Falling Short
by Croik
Summary: a repost, since the last one disappeared.....Vegeta meets a mysterious woman on Namek who claims to be a Saiyan
1. Default Chapter

Dragonball Z is the creation of Akira Toriyama, and therefore every character mentioned (with the exception of Koan, Cumber, Baiba and Kado) belong to him. Don't even think about stealing my characters!!! Not that I've ever seen that happen…

****

Notes: somewhere around episode 60-something, Vegeta, Krillin, and Gohan, get their butts kicked by Ricoom. Goku has just arrived on the planet, Ginyu has the Dragon Balls, yada yada. I didn't try to get the dialogues exact…but in any case, be warned that this story is rather fragmented, and my explanations are necessary. As the story progresses, they won't be anymore. Please don't be frustrated! This was the best place to begin, but I didn't want to describe _everything _that you can see in the show. Thanks!

Oh, and this is not Vegeta's long lost sister or cousin or anything. I've seen that done too many times….

And finally, there's only a bit of violence in the beginning chapters, but later on there is some adult content! Be for-warned! When Bulma's involved, can you expect anything less?

****

Falling Short

Prologue 1: Namek

Koan watched the sky from the entrance to her cave. Brilliant flashes of blue-white light streaked and flared against a bronze horizon. She shuddered at the rising and fluctuating power levels. "The real fighting has started," she murmured, bracing herself as the ground trembled beneath her cloth boots. 

"Are we going?" her son asked anxiously, tugging on her pant leg. "Are we?"

"Yes," she replied hesitantly, stepping away from the small shelter that had for son short a time been their home. "If this continues, there won't be much of Namek left. We have no choice."

* * *

__

Oh God…Gohan…. Krillin could only watch, horrified, as Ricoom's final blow sent the young boy flying. He landed somewhere out of the older man's sight with a sickening thud. "Gohan…Gohan!" He tried to turn his head to see what had become of his friend, but his entire body had by now grown numb. He waited, praying for Gohan to stand, to run away, but he couldn't' even hear his breathing. _No…Goku, why aren't you here? If only…_.

Ricoom laughed. It was a horrible, mocking sound. _It's over_ Krillin's mind whispered over and over. _It's over now. Freeza has the Dragon Balls, Gohan's gone, the Nameks are gone, even Vegeta. It's over. Goku's not coming. Even if he does, it'll be too late. We'll all be dead. Damn it all…_.

"Hey."

Krillin opened his eyes, and was surprised to see a young, black-haired boy kneeling beside him. "Go…Gohan?"

His vision cleared, revealing a boy about six years old dressed in the baggy red pants of a Namek. He looked human, though his skin was several shades darker than most. "My name's Cumber," he said quietly. "Can you move?"

"I don't think so," he admitted weakly. "Where…?"

"The big guy's bragging to his friends," Cumber said, anticipating his concerns. "The other kid's hurt really bad. My mom's with him. Is he your friend?"

"Mom?" Krillin grimaced as Ricoom's booming voice declared Cumber's presence to his comrades. "Listen, kid, this is bad. I don't know how you got here, but you gotta go--and your mom, too."

The boy frowned. "But we can't let these guys get away."

"Goku will get them." _I hope._ "We can't do anything."

"Goku?"

"Hey, there. What have we here?" Ricoom was moving towards where Gohan had landed. "I didn't think there were any girls on this planet. Maybe it's my lucky day."

Krillin squirmed, trying to see, but his body refused to obey. "Cumber, you and your mom gotta run," he insisted. "Take Gohan. Don't worry about me--I'm finished anyway. Save yourselves."

Krillin didn't see what happened. All he saw was Ricoom, tumbling onto his back. Though he righted himself in an instant, the audience was shocked by the connected hit. "Damn," the giant muttered, rubbing his jaw. "Guess I underestimated ya."

Now within Krillin's line of sight was a woman dressed in a dark violet, sleeveless jumpsuit with a thick black belt. Her black hair was cut short to frame a determined, though still rather attractive face. Her figure was covered in a layer of slender muscles as testimony to her strength.

"That's my mom," Cumber said proudly. "Her name's Koan."

* * *

Vegeta stared at the strange woman in shock. _A woman? Here?_ He squinted, wondering if it was perhaps the woman that had been with the bald guy and Kakarot's son earlier, then immediately discounted the possibility. This one was obvious a fighter--probably more speed than strength, but well-conditioned. A quick glance about and he noticed the boy next to Krillin. _They look…like Earthlings. But how did they get here? And why didn't they show up until now?_

The woman turned her head to face him briefly, making a scan of him with her eyes. The severity of his condition must have alarmed her, for her focus quickly returned to Ricoom. There was something…eerily familiar about her. _She couldn't be…_.

Ricoom began to power up an attack, and already the strange woman was in motion. Though she refused to take the offensive, her speed was just enough to keep her out of Ricoom's blast range. She even managed to guide him away from the wounded fighters. _Her style is like the Nameks of this planet_ Vegeta thought to himself, concentrating on this mystery to keep from feeling the pain. _But the way she moves…she's not human. What the hell is she?_

Ricoom fired several shots at once; this time, the woman's speed wasn't enough to keep her from taking one of his beams. She didn't cry out as the energy ball scared her left side and arm. Her belt broke, dangling at her side as she regained her balance and breath.

Vegeta paused, looking again. The thick coil that had once been wrapped around her waist wasn't just hanging--it was swinging gently, back and forth. _It…it can't be._ The black-haired tail twitched as she gripped her arm. _She's…a Saiyan?_

* * *

"Well, what do you know," Jees declared. "The girlie's a monkey. Guess our little friend's not the last one after all."

Koan's head snapped up, glaring at the orange-skinned man. Though she'd suspected that the injured man in armor was a Saiyan, this new information startled her. _The…last? What does he mean? The last…Saiyan?_ Her gaze flickered back to the Saiyan; his teeth were tightly clenched in pain and restrained anger. Their enemy spoke truth. _So, it really was true. The Saiyans are all gone._

Koan's pondering was cut off by a massive swell of power over her senses. She straightened as Jees and Berter's scouters bleeped a distressed warning. Something was coming at an incredible speed; instinctively she returned to join her son. Cumber had felt it, too, and was glancing about in search. "Mom…."

"I know." Nearby, Freeza's men--the Ginyu Force, she'd finally determined--were arguing over their scouter readings. "Stay very still," she instructed her son.

"It's…it's Goku," the short bald man said joyfully. "Goku, finally. Goku..." He sounded so glad that for a moment Koan wondered if he'd lost his mind.

A flash of red light alerted everyone to the presence of the newcomer. Koan tensed, expecting an attack at any moment, but the figure circled the area once and then came to a halt in front of the unconscious, broken child. It was a man dressed in orange with a strange symbol printed on his back. His black hair stuck up from his head in what appeared to be a Saiyan style. _He couldn't be. Saiyans aren't that fast. Besides, Goku's not a Saiyan name._

The man bent down, lifting the boy into his arms. Koan cringed. _That must be his son_. She turned away, not wanting to see his reaction to the boy's fate. Though the boy was not yet dead, with his neck broken it was unlikely that he would ever recover. She knew the pains of parenthood very well, and did not want to be distracted from the fight by his grief.

"Wow, thanks Dad."

"Gee, you sure got messed up a lot. Are they really that strong?"

"Yeah…we couldn't do a thing."

Koan turned back, stunned by the sound of the boy's voice. Both strangers were heading for them; the boy who, a moment before half dead, was now fine. They regarded Koan and her son with a bit of wary curiosity. Realizing that her proximity to the bald man was the cause of the man's cold concern, she quickly moved several steps back.

The man--_Goku?_--knelt beside his friend. "Boy, am I glad to see you," the smaller man croaked.

"Everything's going to be just fine now, Krillin. Here, eat this." Goku handed him a small bean. As soon as he'd finished eating it, he climbed to his feet without any trouble. Koan and Cumber could only gawk.

"H-Hey!" called Ricoom. "What the hell do you think you're doing? They're supposed to be dead!"

But Goku ignored him, instead facing the woman. "You're a Saiyan, aren't you?" he asked in a serious tone. "I came here to get the Dragon Balls, not to fight you. You should probably find someplace safe to stay until this is over."

Before Koan could answer, Krillin spoke up. "Goku, it's okay. She was helping us."

"Oh, really?" Immediately his manner changed; his features lit in a grin, and he extended his hand. "My name's Son Goku, and this is my son Gohan."

Koan regarded his hand quizzically. _A…greeting?_ She put her hand out in the same fashion, and was surprised when he shook it firmly. "I'm Koan," she introduced, wincing a bit at his strong grip. "This is my son, Cumber."

Cumber enthusiastically shook all three of their hands, laughing at how silly the gesture seemed. "Gohan, how old are you?" he asked.

"I'm almost seven."

"Wow, you're just about my age."

"Really?"

"Hey!" Ricoom called, now forgotten. "C'mon and fight, 'ya show off!"

Goku didn't even glance back. "Looks like a lot has happened. I'll have to catch up quickly. Come here, Krillin." He placed his hand flat on the short man's bald head and closed his eyes. Cumber and Gohan exchanged curious glances. After a moment Goku opened his eyes once more. "Wow, I had no idea how rough things were for you guys. I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner."

"Uh…what?" Krillin rubbed his head. "What did you just do?"

"I read your mind. Isn't it wild? I'd never done it before, but I had a feeling that I'd be able to."

__

This man…what is he? He's definitely hiding some kind of amazing power. But what? Koan studied him carefully as he bantered a bit with Krillin and Gohan, then with Ricoom. _This familiar feeling…is he also a Saiyan? But he doesn't act like it at all…_. Her thoughts were interrupted by Goku's sudden shout.

"Vegeta!" He tossed one of the strange seeds toward the injured man, who had not moved since Goku's arrival. "Eat it, Vegeta!"

As he did so, Koan grabbed onto Goku's sleeve. "Vegeta?" she repeated incredulously. _Could it be?_ "As in, Prince Vegeta?"

Goku blinked in confusion. "Yeah. You know him?"

"Well, not really, but…." She looked to Vegeta again. This time, she began to recognize him; the face, the eyes--it was definitely Prince Vegeta, the supposed heir to their world. A strange feeling rose inside her, watching the shock that spread across his face at his sudden restoration. 

Before she could consider this new development more, Goku had stepped onto the battlefield. "Don't worry, guys," he was saying. "I'll take care of this myself."

"Your…yourself?" Krillin sputtered incredulously.

On the other side of the field the Saiyan Prince snorted, unimpressed by the man's attitude. Koan could see, however, a disconcerted look in his eye. _He must feel the same thing I do,_ she thought, ignoring the conversations going on around her. _Ricoom is incredibly powerful, even after fighting all three of them, and yet Goku is perfectly calm. Can he really hide his power level that well?_ Despite the severity of their situation, she couldn't help but glance at Vegeta. His entire face had suddenly grown pale in shock. _He knows something. What does he see?_ She looked back to Goku, straining for some indication of what had so startled Vegeta. What she felt was a gentle undulation of power, resting just within the man's aura. It was at the same time familiar and strange. _He's definitely hiding his power, but how much? Enough to beat Ricoom?_

And Vegeta…the Prince of the Saiyans. The orange one called him the last. Then he, Cumber and I are all the last? But what about this new man, Goku? She swallowed hard. _I wonder…does Vegeta recognize me?_

To Next Chapter

Return


	2. second prologue (if that makes any sense...

****

Important notes: Okay, so rather then go through all the battles, I skipped them! After all, Koan and Cumber are no match for the Ginyu Force, so the battles turned out the same as in the show and comic. After defeating Ginyu and Jees, Goku is now in the healing pod thingy, and Krillin is about to go off (and find Dende). Also, by now Vegeta has revealed that he believes Goku will become a Super Saiyan.

****

Falling Short

Prologue 2: Namek

"Here." Vegeta pulled several combat armors out of the wall-mounted cabinets and dumped them on the floor. "Kakarot will be healed in about an hour, so until then we have time to rest. You should all wear these--they'll protect you better than those ugly suits of yours."

Krillin picked up the offering and frowned distastefully. "You mean, we gotta dress up like Freeza's goons?" He shut up when Vegeta cast him a glare--the Saiyan was, after all, wearing the same.

"I don't want to dress up like a bad guy," Gohan murmured, poking at the suit.

Cumber, however, was absolutely adamant. He quickly selected a blue and yellow one, very much like Vegeta's. "I've never worn Saiyan armor before," he said excitedly. "Will it fit?"

"It stretches to fit the wearer," the prince explained, frowning slightly at the boy's selection. During the last several battles Cumber had stuck close to him, wide-eyed and amazed. The last thing he needed was some snot-nosed kid looking up to him. He was curious, however, why _he_ had been chosen as the center of the youth's admiration. Surly Kakarot would have made a better role model.

Reluctantly, Krillin and Gohan dressed in the armor, complaining a bit--to each other--that it was ugly, and eeire. Vegeta ignored them. Instead he moved away, back to the regeneration room.

Koan was there. She was standing in front of the regeneration pod, one had placed absently on the glass, staring at the man inside. For some reason, that bothered him. "Admiring Kakarot?" he asked coldly.

Koan glanced at him over her shoulder, her expression blank and calm. "Do you really think he's a Super Saiyan?"

He crossed his arms. "I _know_ he is," he replied. "I felt it."

She regarded him silently for a moment. That bothered him, too--he didn't like the way she looked at him. It was as if she were looking for something in his face. At long last she averted her gaze. "What happened to Planet Vegeta?" she asked abruptly. "Our people?"

"Destroyed." Vegeta moved closer, glancing at the recuperating Saiyan in the tank. His innards twisted in disgust. "Freeza destroyed it all--the entire planet. Only Radditz, Nappa, Kakarot, and myself survived." He turned an accusing glare on her. "And you and your son. How?"

Koan swallowed hard, silently considering her answer. He paid close attention to catch any lie she might attempt. "Cumber's not a pure Saiyan," she began quietly. "One of Freeza's men raised me since I was a child, so I escaped the fate of our planet." She shook her head, as if to physically drive some past memory away. "When I was about five he left Freeza and raised me by himself. But when Cumber was born, I escaped and landed here. The Nameks have always been very kind to us."

Satisfied that she wasn't lying, Vegeta seated himself nearby and let the matter drop. He didn't really care; however it had happened, she was here now and they would need her help. In any case," he said, "it's obvious that you've had at least _some_ training. But I don't think you or your son are up to handling Freeza."

"You're right." He was a bit surprised that she didn't contest the fact. "None of us are. Even all of us together aren't enough." She paused, staring at Kakarot. "But a Super Saiyan…."

__

Yes. A Super Saiyan. Against a Super Saiyan, Freeza wouldn't stand a chance. Vegeta frowned. _Kakarot is close--so close I can feel it, waiting inside him._ His frown grew more severe, twisting into a scowl. _Damn it. I'm not close enough--not yet. For the first time I'm so close, and yet--_

Koan was watching him with that same damn expression on her face. Her black tail swung back and forth, gently tapped the backs of her thighs as she considered him thoughtfully. "What?" he demanded.

She shook her head. "Nothing. You just had an odd look on your face, that's all." She looked puzzled. "You really don't care, do you," she mused aloud. "We're the last Saiyans in the universe, and you don't even give it a second thought."

"Why should I? I didn't care about my father, or any of those other inferiors."

Koan blinked slowly, her expression vaguely troubled. "That's…odd."

__

Who the hell does she think she is? Vegeta snorted, indignant at her tone. She knew he was a prince, and she still treated him no differently. "Whatever."

She let the subject drop, returning to her vigil on Kakarot's progress. He wondered what she found so fascinating about him. Maybe she was searching for something, like when she looked at the prince. Maybe she was trying to feel the Super Saiyan, the monstrous power within him, the way Vegeta could. Maybe something else.

"What are you staring at?" Vegeta asked finally.

"I'm not sure," Koan admitted. Her black-furred tail twitched as it hung, dangling against her legs. "He's not like any other Saiyan, is he? Goku, I mean."

Vegeta snorted again. "No, he's not."

"Do you resent him?" The edges of her lips turned in a faint smile. "I admire him."

"What?" He nearly stepped back in disgust.

Koan collected her thoughts for a moment before trying to explain. "We're alike in one way, you and I," she said, her tone somewhat bitter. "I never cared for our planet, or our race. We're violent, abusive, greedy people." As she continued, her tail snaked around her waist. "But Goku--Kakarot--isn't like that. When Gohan looks at him there's something in his eyes, the way Cumber sometimes looks at me. I never saw anything like that on our home planet, or with Freeza."

"So, you want to know what it is?" the prince said callously. _Another fool. Am I the only true Saiyan left?_

"It makes me glad. I know that my hopes were right."

__

Yeah, whatever. Vegeta settled into a nearby chair, hoping to get some rest of his own before the battle with Freeza began. The room fell silent. Koan was still watching Kakarot, and Vegeta was trying to ignore the constant hum of the regeneration pod. He couldn't. Frustrated, he gave up the notion of sleep and was content to gaze about the chamber. His thoughts wondered, shifting through the memories he had of Freeza. He had no idea how large Freeza's true power level was, or what "transformation" Zarbon had spoken of earlier. By the time he found out, it might be too late.

Despite these grave issues, Vegeta found his gaze drifting toward Koan. She was still standing near the pod, one hand on the casing and one on the glass, her right knee slightly bent and her tail curled around her waist. _It's been a long time since I've been around a woman_ the prince recalled, _let alone a Saiyan woman._ Since the destruction of his planet, there'd been no time for anything but fighting. More than that, traveling with Nappa would restrict anyone's social life. So far he'd been taking what he needed from the women of the worlds they destroyed--an unsatisfying method that he generally didn't resort to. There had been more important things to earn his attention.

Koan was a rare Saiyan woman, really, obviously the daughter of a higher ranking soldier. Her frame was well-built and strong--and proportioned--as proof of her lineage, but there was something more in it that attracted his attention; she was slender, and her movements seemed almost delicately graceful. She was obviously more than a common soldier--perhaps, at one time, even good enough to be an Elite.

This was not her only trait that fascinated him. She was almost familiar to him in a nostalgic kind of way, like the faded image from a dream he'd once had. Her eyes, though he found their intensity somewhat disconcerting, were deep and warm, unlike Saiyan eyes. She was reluctant to lend herself or her son to the fighting, against her ancestry's primitive instinct. And though she'd expressed interest in seeing a Super-Saiyan, she dreaded the upcoming confrontations. Had life on Namek dulled her Saiyan blood, as life on Earth had done to Kakarot? The thought brought another scowl to his lips; was he truly the only "pure" Saiyan left?

__

You don't have the time or energy to worry about this now. Just go to sleep.

Vegeta sighed, again shifting his position in hopes of finding more comfort. At last he settled, drifting into dreams. But Koan was in those, too.

* * *

Koan watched the Prince idly as he slept. She was surprised that she hadn't recognized him the moment she saw him; his royal pride was etched in his features even now. She couldn't keep her eyes off that face which was so familiar to her. Her mind began to drift, recalling all the old stories about the Saiyan Prince. There was a time when he was known as the strongest living member of his race, with the potential to rule over galaxies. It was this power that caused Freeza to fear the Saiyans--the possibility of another such as the Prince appearing was too much of a threat to him. And he eliminated them.

Koan shuddered, imagining the sight of her planet turned to dust. She closed her eyes. _I don't care about the planet_ she told herself. _I knew that the title "Saiyan" stopped meaning something a long time ago. None of it matters anymore._ She opened her eyes once more and looked to Vegeta. Even asleep he looked as if he were fighting a battle. Did the bitterness ever leave his face? She found it interesting to compare him and Goku.

__

They're only a few years apart in age. Goku may be more powerful, but Vegeta is right behind him. Both have fought all their lives--how did they end up so different? It was odd, how their love of battling had driven them in separate directions. Vegeta was filled with wrath and arrogance, and Goku determination and care. She was almost glad to see it--a Saiyan wasn't bound to a cruel, violent destiny, but could somehow choose their own path. She wondered if she herself would have grown differently, had she lived on Earth as Goku had. And if Cumber would come to respect he the way Gohan respected his father. 

Koan settled herself into a comfortable position. She was thinking of foolish things, given their circumstances. It would be better to focus on the battles ahead, with Freeza. Her eyes drifted to the healing tank. _A Super-Saiyan may be our only chance._

To Next Chapter

Return


	3. When Peace Is Not Enough

Okay, so I skipped the battle vs Freeza…. Since It took about three years to get through the entire damn thing, I didn't feel like making the small adjustment of adding my characters to scenes everyone already knows. Anyway, everyone's back on Earth and doing okay. From here on in, my notes won't be necessary any longer. Enjoy!

****

Falling Short

Chapter 1: When Peace Is Not Enough

Koan awoke to find herself in a strange bed. The covers were warm and soft, unlike the thin, ancient sheets she and Cumber had used for the past several years. At first she thought that she was still dreaming--far more peacefully than she had in a long time. But Cumber was lying just beside her as always, fast asleep. Smiling, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up, being careful not to wake the slumbering child. After everything they'd gone through, he deserved the rest.

__

This is a room in Bulma's house Koan remembered, scanning the large space. It was fully furnished, and there were spare clothes in the closet. Though she didn't want to take advantage of her hostess's hospitality, she had been given permission earlier. She selected a knee-length skirt--the pants would have been too much of a bother with her tail--and a blouse. _Such odd Earth clothing…_.

Cumber awoke soon afterwards. After finding him some decent clothing--baggy shorts and a T-shirt--they left the room together in search of the others.

The first they met was Gohan. "Hey, there you are," he greeted cheerfully. "I was just coming to find you. Miss Bulma made breakfast--pancakes. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah!" Cumber laughed, and together they skipped down the hall toward the kitchen. Koan smiled at their enthusiasm; already both boys were beginning to appreciate having a friend their own age. It had been a while since she'd seen her son so happy.

Koan followed the two boys, along the way coming across a few Nameks. They greeted her kindly as she passed, and she returned their politeness with her own. After living on their small planet for the past several years, she'd come to know most all of the race. "I'm glad you're safe," she told an elder she knew particularly well: Elder Remmik. Bulma had invited him and many of the elder Nameks to stay in her house until a camp could be built.

"Thank you, Koan. We owe you and your friends much gratitude." His wrinkled face grew troubled. "If only Tsuuro's village had been spared as well."

Koan nodded vaguely. She passed on her condolences before moving on. _Tsuuro's village. The one Prince Vegeta destroyed. It must be hard for them, living here with him._

By the time Koan reached the kitchen, Gohan and Cumber were already seated around the small kitchen table, shoveling food into their mouths. Vegeta was also there, eating from his own impressive stack of what must have been the "pancakes" Gohan spoke of earlier. Standing at the stove, Bulma watched with a bit of amazement. "I'll never get over the Saiyan appetite," she murmured, returning to her cooking. "It's a good thing Nameks don't eat."

"It there's no food on Namek," Gohan asked his new friend, "how did you eat?"

"There were still animals," Cumber explained, "and we could grow a few vegetables."

"But we're not used to so much food," Koan added with a smile. "Good morning, Miss Bulma. Thank you for use of your home last night."

"Oh it's nothing, really," Bulma insisted. "Please sit down and have some." She shot Vegeta a harsh glare. "Your gratitude is greatly _appreciated_."

The Saiyan grunted. "Why should I be grateful? I'm surprised that the taste hasn't killed me yet."

"Why, you ungrateful little--"

Koan sighed, taking a seat on the Prince's left as he continued to insult his hostess. She helped herself to some of the mysterious flat circles; on their own they were tasty but dull, and so she followed Gohan's example of adding syrup. Though it was a bit sweeter than she was used to, she enjoyed having a full meal.

When Bulma had finished arguing, she joined them at the table. "Well, now that we've all had time to rest, we'd better get to work," she declared. She winked at Gohan. "About the Dragon Balls."

Vegeta seemed to straighten at the mentioning of the Dragon Balls. From then on he watched Bulma very carefully. For a moment Koan was surprised by the intensity of his gaze. When she recalled what the dragon's wishes would be used for, it made more sense: Goku. The Prince was thinking about Goku.

"The new Eldest Namek said he'd make some more, didn't he?" said Gohan excitedly. "Then we can wish my daddy back."

"That's right. And everyone else, too."

Cumber stuffed another pancake into his mouth. "But tha's hard, hm?" He swallowed. "It will take them a while to become active. That's what Elder Remmik said."

Gohan and Bulma's faces fell. "For how long?"

"Shen Long was just summoned," Koan explained for them, "so it'll be 130 days."

"130?" Bulma exclaimed. "It's better than a year, but does that mean I have to keep these Nameks around until then? Great. Just great." She crossed her arms. "Not only that, but it looks like I'll need to look after _this_ great ugly oaf, too." She glared again at Vegeta.

The Saiyan returned her gaze, and sneered. She edged away from him with a bit of fear. "Just remember what I'm capable of, woman," he retorted. "You shouldn't be so eager to resurrect Kakarot. Because as soon as you do, I'll beat him."

"You can't do that. Goku's a Super Saiyan now--he could take you with his feet!"

Had Koan not been watching closely enough, she would have missed something unexpected; when Bulma said that, Vegeta's expression changed. It was only for an instant--no one else had noticed--and a moment later his cocky response erased any trace of it. Koan didn't bother listening to the exchange that followed. She was too busy contemplating the brief look of anxiety she'd seen in the Prince's eyes.

* * *

__

She's staring at me again. Even as Vegeta continued to insult the blue-haired woman, he was aware of the vigil placed on him. It was that same look--that same damned pensive look that continuously found him. He'd awoken on Freeza's ship just before the battles to those obsidian eyes; those same eyes bid him farewell as he fell into death. And now, they were placed on him again. He didn't like them. It was if she were searching, or expecting something from him. He had no reason to live up to her expectations, whatever they may be.

"It's all in your head," Bulma retorted as she moved off, signifying the end of their argument. Vegeta enjoyed a moment of smug triumph at having out-witted her. "When all of you are done, I'll do the dishes."

"I'll help," Koan offered, taking her dishes to the sink. He was strangely relieved when she stopped staring at him. The two women began the cleaning together. 

"Um…Prince Vegeta, sir?"

Vegeta frowned, turning toward the strange greeting. It had been a long time since he'd been addressed that way. Cumber, seated beside him, was watching him with wide eyes. "What?"

Cumber fidgeted in his chair, but it wasn't in the same nervous fashion as Gohan. "Well, it's going to be a while before we can wish back Goku, right? You're not leaving before then, are you?"

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me."

The boy brightened. "Since you're staying, will you train me?" he got straight to the point. "I was trained by the Nameks, but I want to be trained like a Saiyan!"

There was a clattering from the sink, followed by an almost eerie silence. Vegeta was amused. _They fear us that much._ He looked the boy over carefully. _He's not nearly as strong as Kakarot's son, but there's potential. He's Grandfather may have been an Elite soldier, after all._

"Cumber, what are you saying?" Koan's voice sounded strangely hollow. "You don't need--"

"I want to be strong, Mom," her son insisted. "I want to fight like Gohan, and Goku." His voice began to lift. "And like Prince Vegeta. I want to be a great Saiyan warrior. A Super Saiyan."

Vegeta scoffed at his optimism. "Super Saiyans are rare," he replied. "You could train your whole life and never come close. Millions have."

"I don't care. I want to be strong." Cumber climbed out of his chair and faced the Saiyan Prince with a look of determination. If anything, he had courage. "Please, Prince Vegeta. You're the only one I can ask."

He stared. The plea was more of a problem than he would have thought; he wasn't interested in taking a student, as he planned to continue his own training. But the boy did have a point--there was no one else. Koan didn't have any formal training, Gohan was too young, and Piccolo had already left on his own. The only other possibility was Kakarot's teacher, which nearly gave him goosebumps. Usually Vegeta would have turned him down without a second thought, but Cumber was a Saiyan. Possibly one of the last Saiyans left.

"I don't have time to be a teacher to you," he decided at last. "You can learn the basics from Gohan." A grin tugged the edge of his lip. "Occasionally I'll step in to test your progress and teach you something. Is that all right?"

Cumber's eyes were so wide that Vegeta thought they might tumble off his face. "Really? You will, Prince Vegeta?"

"Of course. You're a Saiyan, after all." He grabbed the boy by his collar suddenly, and before anyone could protest kneed him in the gut. Cumber bent over, breathless and faint. "Consider that your first lesson," he laughed, depositing the gasping child on the floor. 

Vegeta never saw the blow that hit him. Even his Saiyan reflexes didn't warn him of the attack until he was sprawled on his back, his chair clattering beside him. The pain in his jaw only lasted a moment, however. Instantly he was on his feet once more. "What the hell?"

"How dare you." Koan was kneeling beside her son, supporting him as he gasped and sputtered. Her black eyes were livid with rage. "Don't you _ever_ touch my son," she hissed. "Hey may be a Saiyan, but he's not like our race. He doesn't need to be a Super Saiyan."

Angry that a woman had gotten the better of him, Vegeta couldn't resist yet another argument that day. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about. It's a Saiyan's nature to fight. Even for you."

"And they're all dead because of it," she snapped. "There's more to being a Saiyan than beating each other within an inch of your life."

"Not that _you'd_ know." Vegeta crossed his arms. Bulma and Gohan, realizing that they were a bit out of their league, remained silent. "You're a Saiyan but you fight like a Namek. Weren't you trained as a child?"

Koan's expression darkened. Gohan moved to help Cumber as she climbed to her feet. "I wasn't allowed," she murmured.

"Bull shit." He knew better than that. All high ranking Saiyans were warriors--they were trained that way since birth, even the women. And she was obviously of a high rank. If she had been raised by one of Freeza's men, she should have adopted some of that style. 

"I don't owe you an explanation."

"Hmph. Predictable response." The Prince stepped closer--she immediately stepped back. "You're hiding something," he accused. "You didn't train at all until Namek, you were living on a peaceful planet--you're not like any Saiyan."

Koan bristled with anger, but her dark eyes refused to meet his. He could have laughed--usually she did nothing _but_ stare at him in the face. She was definitely holding back. Her words proved it: "I don't owe you anything." They were spoken in a strained, fervid tone, but quiet and nearly trembling with emotion. "Nothing."

Vegeta would have like to continue their verbal battle, but something in her voice forced him to stop. Her cold, malicious manner startled him. Though he hadn't known many Saiyan women even before their planet was destroyed, Koan wasn't acting like one. Her past was filled with secrets, reflected in her black eyes. That quiet anger was more effective than any of the Prince's violent outbursts.

Cumber was on his feet now, interposing himself between the two. "Mom, please don't be upset," he said. "I want to do this--I have to. Namek was destroyed because they weren't strong enough to save it. What if something comes here?"

Koan's fury quickly melted into anxiety with her son's words. "Cumber…."

"Goku's not here now. It's up to all of us." He smiled. "I want to help. I don't care if it's hard."

"You will," Vegeta interrupted. "I don't intend to be lenient with you."

"I know. Thank you." The boy smiled at _him_ then with appreciation. He was startled, as no one had ever done that to him. He didn't know how to react.

Koan heaved a sigh; whether it was disappointment or merely acceptance, he couldn't tell. "I couldn't stop you, Cumber. You can train."

Surprisingly, her defeat didn't please the boy. "You're not mad, are you?" he asked.

"Of course not." She touched the top of his head. "I'm proud of you, Cumber. You'll be a great warrior."

Only after this assurance had been given did Cumber's spirits lift. "Thanks, Mom," he said briskly. He then turned to Gohan. "Let's go. There's some land by the Nameks' camp--we can train there together."

Gohan blinked in surprise. "Alright. I wanna be really strong when Dad gets back." Laughing to themselves, the two boys ran out of the kitchen. "Thanks for breakfast, Miss Bulma!"

"Uh…sure." Bulma shook her head and sighed, returning to the dishes. After a moment of indecision, Koan joined her.

Vegeta snorted, exiting the room now that the matter had been settled. Koan's past secrets were of no concern to him; she had no reason to tell him, and he had no reason to care. In fact, he would help train Cumber whether or not the boy's mother consented. Already he could see that Koan held traces of the same emotional distractions that plagued Kakarot--sympathy and sentiment. If Cumber was to become a great Saiyan, he would need some influence other than his mother. The Prince would not allow another Saiyan to be bred vulnerable.

* * *

Bulma sighed with relief as Vegeta left the kitchen on some business of his own. "I just don't get him," she muttered, plunging a dirty plate into the sink water. "All he thinks about is fighting and training."

"All Saiyans are like that," Koan replied quietly.

She shook her head. "Nope, not true. Goku's not like that at all." An appreciative smile curled her lips. "Sure he likes to fight, but that's not the only thing. He's a great guy that takes care of his family. Oh yes! And you're a Saiyan, too. I'm sorry I almost forgot--it's just that all the ones we've met so far have been men. It must've been hard for you."

Koan pulled the dishes out of the water and placed them aside to dry. "Saiyan women didn't have much of a role in society," she said. "All the upper class members were warriors, naturally, but the lower class were no better than slaves." Her expression was oddly distant. "I haven't been around another Saiyan for a long time. It's…a bit unsettling."

"Does he really make you that nervous?" Bulma asked, choosing her words carefully. She didn't want to tread on unstable ground. "I mean, he gives me the creeps, too, but I don't think that he'll start anything."

"No, it's not that. I don't know." She smoothed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I am just not used to it, that's all."

The older woman frowned, detecting a strange note in Koan's tone. There was something else; something she was trying to hide. Rather than press the issue, she let it drop. "Well, in any case, you're on Earth now. You don't have to put up with any shit from men--even Vegeta. You can live however you want. I'm sure my father can even give you a job."

"A job?" Koan appeared puzzled.

"Sure. We can always use some extra hands. And as a Saiyan, you'd be great help for the heavy jobs. No offense."

She smiled, pleased with the possibility of earning her stay. "That would be wonderful. I don't want to be a bother."

"Listen; if I can handle a hundred Nameks in my backyard, I'm sure one _woman_ who's willing to _work_ is no trouble at all."

"Thank you, Bulma."

To Next Chapter

Return


	4. When Wondering Is Not Enough

****

Falling Short

Chapter 2: When Wondering Is Not Enough

Vegeta wandered outside. He wouldn't admit that he was bored, though. He simply wanted to make himself familiar with the area. Most of it had been taken up by the Nameks--there were small tents and shelters everywhere. They cast the Saiyan prince cold, accusing glares as he passed. He scowled. _I fought and died fighting Freeza, and they still think I'm his lackey. It's rather insulting._

From the far side of the yard he could hear the sounds of someone fighting. _Cumber and Kakarot's son_, he realized. For lack of anything better to do, he investigated.

The two boys were sparing, as he'd expected. Cumber was slowly being pushed back. It wasn't surprising, really; Gohan's power level was enormous, and he had much more intensive training. Vegeta watched for a moment, watching both their styles and abilities.

__

Kakarot's son definitely has the same style as that Namek, he thought, crossing his arms. _And he's not even fighting at his full potential. He's more powerful than his father. _His lips pressed into a tight frown. _Which means he also has the power to become a Super Saiyan. But he hasn't reached it yet. Is it because he hasn't trained long enough? Or is there some other boundary he hasn't yet passed?_

The battling children broke apart, gasping and exhausted but still grinning. They sat down on the grass and wiped the sweat from their faces and necks. Only then did they notice Vegeta's presence. Though Cumber was pleased by their audience, Gohan eyed him cautiously.

"I need you to answer something," Veget said, crouching in front of him. He was surprised by his own level tone--usually he resorted to less polite forms of gathering information. But then, questioning a boy who didn't trust him, especially Gohan, was a different matter than he was accustomed to. He would have to be careful.

"What is it?" Cumber asked immediately. He, at least, would be helpful.

"Kakarot." Direct honest was his best chance now. "I want to know the circumstances of his becoming a Super Saiyan."

Gohan gulped. The memories in all their horrible detail became clear on his face, and he lowered his head. "It…was just after Krillin was killed," he answered quietly. "By Freeza."

The prince considered this. "Tell me more."

Gohan was hesitant, so Cumber spoke in his place. "It was his anger, Prince Vegeta. When Krillin died, Goku's anger turned him into a Super Saiyan. Then he told us to leave."

"And that's all you know?"

"Yes, sir."

__

Great. That doesn't tell me anything. He stood. _Anger can't be the missing piece. I would have found something that obvious by now._ "Keep working," he said vaguely as he moved away. "Tomorrow night you'll get your first lesson."

"Yes, sir."

__

Sir. Vegeta smirked as the sounds of fighting resumed behind him. _That boy…for whatever reason, he looks up to me. He'll be useful when the time comes._ His sensed tingled momentarily, and he raised his gaze to the Capsule Corps building that dominated the area. Through the kitchen window on the second story he could see Bulma and Koan, conversing as they finished the breakfast dishes. The latter was watching him. For a moment he simply stared back--there was something about her dark-eyed glare that caught his attention. It was almost alluring, the untouchable way she carried herself. She was at the same time proud and cautious--like a princess with too many secrets. Though the analogy made him frown, it stood in his mind. Which led to another line of cognition.

__

She's the last one.

Even if Gohan had children someday, they would only be one fourth Saiyan. The same went for Cumber. And when they died, along with their parents, there would be none left. The Saiyans would be bred into extinction, and soon.

__

Unless….

"A prince and a princess, huh?" Vegeta mused aloud, staring up at the form in the window. Then he scowled. "Ridiculous."

* * *

The next day Koan took a tour of the Capsule Corps headquarters where Bulma and her father worked. The electronics didn't impress her--she'd live too long on Namek to appreciate modern conveniences. She was more interested in assisting Dr. Briefs with his newest spaceships. The almost manual labor-like task gave her focus and confidence. Dr. Briefs was pleased with her quick obedience and strength, and hired her on the spot.

That evening, once her work had been completed, Koan prepared dinner with Bulma's help. When the two boys didn't show up, however, she was forced to go looking for them. "They're probably still practicing," Bulma assured. "I don't blame Gohan for coming here--I'm sure fighting is the last thing Chichi wants to see him doing right now."

"I guess I'll take it out to them, then." She put both dinners into a basket. Then she added the extra dinner she'd made for Vegeta. _He'll show up eventually, _she reasoned. On the way out Bulma handed her a first aid kit, and insisted it be taken. Frowning, she agreed.

When Koan reached the far edge of the Capsule Corps lot she was surprised to find no one there, nor could she hear any nearby fighting. She questioned one of the Nameks as to their whereabouts. "That Saiyan man took both children to the edge of the city," he explained. "Cumber said not to worry, but I sent Baiba with them anyway. Dende just went to tell you--didn't you see him?"

"No, I didn't." Her tail tightened reflexively around her waist. "Please tell me, where did they go?"

The Namek pointed south. "That way. I imagine you'll find them quickly--they left to train."

__

Of course. But Vegeta…. "Thank you." Koan took to the air with her huge dinner basket, and started off in the direction he pointed. _He may be a prince, but he doesn't know anything about training a child. He could kill him if he's not careful._

As expected, finding the group wasn't difficult. A fierce, hot wind was blowing from the city's southern border, originating from a pair of powering-up fighters. Koan quickly identified them as Cumber and Gohan. Facing them was Vegeta, arms crossed and face calm. Nearby, the Namek fighter Baiba watched.

Koan landed beside her one time teacher. "Baiba, what is this?" she demanded.

"Vegeta said he'd test them," he replied.

As they watched, the prince decided it was his turn to show his power. He uncrossed his arms and clenched his fists. The wind picked up once more. The spectators were forced back by the sudden explosion of energy as he gathered his spirit. Koan stared, amazed at his strength. Because of all the power levels around Namek it had been difficult for her to estimate the extent of his ability. Now it was easy to see why the prince had thought himself a Super Saiyan.

The battle began at a pace Koan almost couldn't follow. Gohan attacked first, followed closely by his comrade, taking Vegeta head on. They exchanged blows for what seemed only as an instant before Cumber was sent tumbling head over heels.

"Don't," said Baiba before she could move. He nearly had to restrain her physically from running to her son. "He wanted this, and he needs to finish it by himself." Even as he spoke, the boy struggled to his feet and reentered the battle, only to be rejected soon after.

"I can't stand this," Koan muttered, her fists tight at her side. Vegeta was laughing, mocking the efforts of his young opponents. "This isn't training--it's just for the sake of his ego."

The Namek sighed. "You know better than I how Saiyans are, Koan. They don't need training to gain power. They need pain."

"Of course I know." Her fists relaxed, and her voice dropped. "I know where a Saiyan's power comes from."

* * *

Vegeta scowled as Cumber hit the ground again. _No, he's no good. He's had good training, but he's not strong enough--not fast enough. He hasn't been trained hard enough. Time to fix that._

As soon as Cumber joined the fight again, Vegeta knocked him down. "Stay out of this, runt," he snarled, focusing on Gohan. Kakarot's son was stronger than the last time they'd battled, and he found himself almost struggling to keep up.

Cumber attacked once more from behind, distracting Vegeta just long enough for Gohan to land a lucky punch to his face. Blood ran from his nose; the taste of it on his lips drove him mad. "That's it," he sneered. "You're finished."

Vegeta bought himself some time by kicking Gohan in the head, which sent him tumbling. Then he turned on Cumber. Guided by his anger he pummeled the boy with his fists, driving him back. Cumber was no match for the conditioned prince, and was quickly felled. But he wasn't done yet. With determination the boy began climbing to his feet.

By that time Gohan had resumed his assault. Rather than continuing to monitor two opponents, Vegeta pinned Cumber to the ground by stomping on his tail. He didn't even flinch as the child wailed in pain. Then, to end the match, he released a powerful spirit attack on Kakarot's son. The blast was just enough--and at a close enough range--that Gohan was thrown to the ground. He sat up groggily. "You said no blasting," he muttered, even as he smiled a bit.

"I lied," Vegeta grunted. He looked down at the boy he still held captive. Cumber was curled in a tight ball, whimpering in pain as tears rolled down his face. The prince released him--immediately Cumber recoiled his tail and kept it pressed to his body.

"You're not good enough," the prince said, glaring at his would-be student. He might not have been heard, but he continued. "You're weak. I won't help someone who's weak." Then he moved away, seating himself on a nearby rock to clean his face.

* * *

As soon as the match had ended Koan ran forward and dropped to her son's side. He was trembling in pain, stilling recovering from Vegeta's cruel attack. "Hush now, Cumber," she soothed, pulling the child close to her. "Lie still."

"I'm…okay, Mom." Cumber slowly relaxed and sat up with some help from her. Already she could see dark bruises swelling on his skin. "I asked him to."

"I know." She glanced at the Saiyan man briefly. "I won't interfere, Cumber. This is your decision." The words pained her, but they had to be said.

Cumber smiled. Though he was badly beaten and discouraged by his elder's words, he grinned in appreciation of his mother's understanding. She'd seen that look before, and it filled her with a mysterious kind of pride. _I guess this is the right thing,_ she thought as she helped to clean the blood from his face. Though her instincts told her that she should have demanded a less violent lifestyle for her son--she did not want him to share the Saiyans' fate--she warmed quickly to his excitement and joy. She could take that spirit from him no sooner than she could take him from herself.

Baiba brought Koan's dinner basket to them, which the children gladly devoured the contents of. Afterwards, she insisted that they wait for her to treat them before they resumed their training. Both reluctantly agreed.

Once Koan was finished, Baiba volunteered to continue Gohan and Cumber's training for that evening. "Thank you," said Koan gratefully, smiling as the two boys moved away with their teacher. She retrieved her basket and moved toward Vegeta. She handed him a cloth, which he grudgingly accepted to clean his face. "I brought you some dinner."

Vegeta regarded her almost warily before seeing for himself. His hunger quickly overcame his disconcertment, and he made short work of the meal. He didn't offer any thanks; she didn't expect any. "You didn't have to," was all he said.

"I know." She seated herself at his feet. "_You_ didn't have to." When he gazed at her questioningly, she explained. "Helping Cumber. You could never understand how much that means to him."

The prince snorted. "It sounds like you're insulting me."

__

It's the truth. "I meant no disrespect," she said, at the same time wondering why she owed him such politeness.

"Save it," Vegeta replied, watching the trio that continued to practice. "I'm not doing this for Cumber, you know."

"Yes, I realized that, while you were fighting." Koan sighed. "It's an excuse to fight Gohan, isn't it? You're keeping track of his strength."

"Don't misunderstand. It's not for him, or Kakarot, or anything like that. Until Kakarot returns, his son and I are the strongest warriors on the planet. As long as I can stay ahead of him, I'll never be left behind."

Koan nodded vaguely, returning her attention outward. _In the end, I guess that's all he really cares about,_ she thought to herself. _He hasn't changed at all. _

* * *

__

I wonder what she's thinking. Vegeta glanced down at the female seated at his feet. She appeared to be idly watching her son's training, but he knew she had something in mind. He could tell by the backward glances she cast his way, and that damn inquiring expression; as if she didn't quite believe he was the right person. Like he was someone else. He _hated_ that look.

Her tail twitched. The movement immediately attracted his attention like a wolf to a rabbit. He missed his tail. He didn't feel quiet right without it--always just a bit off balance. More than that, without it he could pass for a human, and that was the biggest insult of all. He hated being dropped to their level, a common man. He deserved better than this.

Koan's tail continued to sway back and forth casually. Again Vegeta's interest was gained, and for several minutes he could think of nothing else. He resisted the temptation to touch it. Several times he cursed his own foolishness, only to wonder at its unusual black coloring. Had he ever seen a tail that color? Something stirred within the back of his mind, like a memory that refused to surface. It was just at the tip of his brain….

Koan stood abruptly, her tail bouncing a bit. "It looks like they're finished," she said, indicating the approaching trio. She retrieved her basket and glanced back at him. "Are you ready?"

"Of course." The Prince stood, only a bit fatigued from his brief training. He took to the air without waiting and started back, the other following.

To Next Chapter (where it gets good!)

Return


	5. When Wanting Is Not Enough

****

Falling Short

Chapter 3: When Wanting Is Not Enough

Koan awoke again to an empty room. For the past two months she'd grown accustomed to falling asleep beside her son, only to have him gone the next morning. Her daily routine had grown fairly predicable.

She would wake up and dress quickly in the clothes Bulma had modified for the comfort of her tail--today, short jeans overalls and a white, buttoned-down work short. A short trip took her to the kitchen where she would bid to farewell to Cumber for the day, and share breakfast with Bulma's family. As Cumber trained with Baiba she worked in Dr. Brief's workshop, taking care of the less delicate operations. The work kept her busy--she liked that. It held her away from her anxiety.

Koan entered the kitchen as she did every morning, and there was met with a slightly different scenario: Cumber had already left, and in his place at the table was only Vegeta.

"It's Saturday," Vegeta reminded her gruffly. It had taken some time for her to adjust to the concept of weekends. "Cumber went with Bulma to visit Kakarot's family, remember?"

"Yes." Koan took a deep breath before approaching. She tried not to look at him a she rummaged around for something to eat. Being alone with him made her somewhat nervous; though once, on Namek, she felt as if she'd seen his entire soul laid out at the time of his death, since then he'd grown cold and indifferent. He only cared about his training. She'd been watching him, hoping for a glimpse of sincerity in his dark eyes, without success. It was as if that aspect of him no longer existed.

"Why didn't you go with them?" Vegeta asked. He was seated at the table, bent over a bowl of cereal. "To Kakarot's, I mean."

She selected her own breakfast--also cereal--and joined him. She was not bold enough, however, to take the stool at his side. "I'm going for lunch," she explained. "I just wanted to finish the vehicle I've been working on with Dr. Briefs. It's due to be shipped tomorrow."

He nodded, though she knew he didn't really care. He was looking for another excuse to fight with Gohan, now that the boy was back at home for good.

They continued to eat in silence for some time, at a loss for conversation. At long last the prince spoke. "Your son is improving."

Koan glanced up at him, surprised by his remark. "That can only be expected from his teaching," she replied calmly. "I don't approve of you beating him within an inch of his life, but it has made him stronger."

He snorted. "Obviously." Having finished his cereal, he placed the dish in the sink--for someone else to take care of. "You really have secrets, don't you?"

Koan started, nearly biting through her spoon. She took a moment to compose herself before responding, "What do you mean?"

"You're not like an ordinary Saiyan," Vegeta continued. "Kakarot might be soft, but he still loves to fight. Even his son, having been raised by that obsessive bitch, loves it." She had no time to comment on his choice of words as he went on. "It's a Saiyan's nature. Your son has it. Why not you?"

"Why do you care?"

Vegeta was suddenly behind her; she hadn't heard his footsteps, but he was there, and he placed his hands on her shoulders. The touch made her flinch involuntarily. "Because. I'm curious. I'm sure we've met before--I simply can't recall where. I can tell by the way you look at me."

Koan gulped, at a loss for a response. His hands were worn and rough, and they curled and uncurled gently on her shoulders. She imagined that the feeling should have been comforting to her sore muscles, but to her it was harsh and possessive. He wanted her to react. And though she desperately loathed granting him such perverse pleasure, she couldn't help but shudder. Gradually, she gathered her courage. "What do you want?"

His hands moved, closer to her neck, so that his fingertips brushed the skin just below her earlobes. "I'm not sure yet," he admitted in that same arrogant tone. His voice became a low whisper in her ear. "But you're no different. You're watching me because _you_ want something. But I think you already know what." His hand moved then, tracing a line with his index finger down her spine. She trembled but managed to stay still. His touch was different than she would have expected--faint, almost gentle.

Vegeta stroked her tail with the backs of his fingers. Instantly Koan was on her feet, overturning her stool as she spun to face him. Her tail coiled around her waist instinctively at the unexpected advance. "Don't," she said, trying to be firm even as her voice shook, and the edge of the table bit into her lower back. She turned her head away to save herself from his expression. "Prince Vegeta, please."

* * *

The prince stared at her, genuinely surprised by her reaction. He'd expected a less violent response to what their culture would have considered a courting gesture. A Saiyan's tail was, after all, the most sensitive organ in their anatomy. And he certainly hadn't done anything to hurt her.

He crossed his arms, eyeing the woman critically. "There's really something wrong with you, isn't there?" he said bluntly, cocking his head to the side. She cringed. "Yeah, something major. You were raised by one of Freeza's men, weren't you? What did he do to you?"

"Please," Koan whispered hoarsely. Her entire body was trembling. "Let me be."

Vegeta frowned. Usually he would have persisted, or at least mocked her, but now he felt a sort of…pity towards her. She was a Saiyan--she shouldn't ever be this way. No matter what their people faced, they always surpassed their boundaries to survive and stay strong. Had she none of that instinct? Was she even a real Saiyan? He couldn't help the feeling that something was very wrong with her. There was something in her that shouldn't have been. Or rather, something missing.

"Fine." Vegeta turned and left; he could sense her bewilderment at his honoring her request. He walked down the hall and outside, into the open space where the Nameks lived They eyed him suspiciously--he didn't care. Soon he was on his way to the Capsule III's gravity room that served as his gym. _A work out will make me forget this,_ he told himself. _I don't even know why I was bothering with her. The blue-haired woman would be easier, if that's what this is about. Koan won't even look at me without being wary, or looking so damned thoughtful._

He snorted. _I don't care. Whatever happened to her, why should I care? I've got more important things to think about._

* * *

Vegeta didn't return to Capsule Corps until long after the sun had set. His day had not been eventful, but still he felt exhausted. Not even training had cleansed the Saiyan woman from his mind--her eyes, her voice, her body had consumed his every moment. The shadows he battled were all her form, inviting him though he could touch nothing. The wind reminded him of her whispers, and the heat of the gym the warmth of her trembling skin beneath his fingers. And her tail--the texture of the coarse hairs never left him. He wanted to be near her, if only to touch her again. He even found himself wanting his own tail to grow back.

He wanted her. There was no way around the fact that had been growing in the past months--when she opposed him he desired her even more, and when she retreated the frustration lit him on fire. It would be easy to take what he wanted from her; however, though the idea had passed him many times, he never acted. He wanted to own this woman whom already dominated him, but the old methods never left him satisfied enough. He wanted to know her secrets.

The Capsule Corps was dark and silent when he returned, save one light in the kitchen. He followed it in hopes of finding Koan. Who he found, however, was Bulma. She was sitting at the table, reading over some papers as she sipped from a coffee mug. She glanced up as he entered. "Oh, so there you are. I wasn't sure you were coming back."

Bulma wasn't like Koan at all. She looked at him with a different kind of fear, the kind that made her shift and sometimes blush in his presence. He liked having that effect on her; he took a seat at her side. "I've got no place to go," he reminded.

"That's true. You're lucky I took you in."

__

At least I have some diversion before I figure out Koan. "So why _did_ you take me in?" Vegeta asked, leaning his elbow on the table. His gaze never left her, making her nervous. "I almost destroyed this planet once. How do you know I won't now?"

Bulma hesitated. "You won't," she decided at last. "Like you said, you've got no where to go."

He chuckled, which unnerved her even more. "You're right, I suppose. But still, I'm your enemy."

"I'm not doing it for you," she retorted, her temper finally kicking in. "Goku would have wanted me to--that's all. Unlike you, he cares about others."

Vegeta scowled internally; on the outside, however, his arrogant grin never faltered. He reached out, smoothing a lock of blue hair behind her ear. She flinched. "Maybe." That was all he said before he left to find his room.

*****

Brennel 47 was not the ideal world for a prince. Vegeta was seated on a rock protruding from the rubble he'd created, arms crossed and expression set sourly. Nearby, Nappa and Radditz tore meat from the bones of a Brennelian with their teeth. They were waiting. The transmission they'd received had told him to wait on Brennel until Freeza's ship could reach them, as it was currently trapped in a meteor shower and to approach in their small pods would be nearly suicide. Several others were with them--Freeza's men of various species of warriors. Vegeta didn't care about them. But there was one among them that caught his attention; a tall man with dark skin and green hair, staring at the Saiyan trio. His eyes were touched with fear, and that alone pleased him.

The officer quickly averted his eyes when Vegeta looked. It was then that the prince noticed the smaller figure at the man's side. It was a young girl--a Saiyan girl, no more than five or six years old. She was watching him curiously. When he beckoned her, she glared defiantly. "Come here," he said, offering a piece of meat from his dinner. "You're a Saiyan, aren't you? I'm your prince."

The girl approached slowly, and snatched the food from him once she was there. Her audacity momentarily startled him--the other fighters were staring, as they themselves would not have been so bold. She was lively all right, and her eyes were fierce and proud. Like his own. "That's good," he murmured, watching as she devoured the meat. "I guess we're the last left, huh?"

The girl just stared at him. She had a strange gaze--as if she could see more than what was really there, more than his face. "I want to be like my father," she said.

"Was your dad a fighter?"

"Yeah." She traced her finger in the dirt. "He's dead now."

"Yeah, mine too." Vegeta smiled at her. "We'll be better than our fathers. Someday, the Saiyans will rule everything."

She contemplated this for a moment, then asked, "Are you strong?"

The prince smirked. "Of course. The strongest."

"Then…do you love someone?"

It was then that the officer called her back. At first she wouldn't obey, so he retrieved her himself, apologizing to the Saiyan prince all the while. That left him to ponder the meaning of her question.

*****

When Vegeta woke up, he remembered.

To Next Chapter

Return


	6. When Understanding Is Not Enough

****

Falling Short

Chapter 4: When Understanding Is Not Enough

The next morning Vegeta went looking for Koan immediately. She was in the work room--unfortunately, as Bulma and Dr. Briefs were also there, working on another spaceship. "This one's for our government," Dr. Briefs explained. "They want to be able to help, so they're sending out a party to look for Goku."

"We told them it wouldn't do any good," said Bulma, somewhat subdued. "Goku's dead. Only the Dragon Balls can help him now." She wiped her forehead and reached for a new tool. "And speaking of which, there's only about a month left. It'll be good to have him back."

Vegeta snorted, but he wasn't in the mood to offer any kind of witty response. Koan was working on the exterior of the craft--he couldn't risk approaching her with an audience, with Bulma able to defend her. He would have to wait.

Thankfully, only a few minutes had passed when Dr. Briefs suggested that his daughter assist him in fixing the jets on the bubble bath. Koan was still working on the engines; he could see only her legs and tail poking out from under the ship. He considered the best way to voice his recent memories, as he didn't want to frighten her off like last time.

At last he pulled a crate up beside the craft and took a seat. He tapped the creeper she was laying on. "I remember," he said.

Koan's tail, which had been swaying casually as she worked, disappeared under the ship at the sound of his voice. He recognized that reaction; she felt threatened. It took her a moment to respond. "Remember what?"

"You. You were on Brennel 47 with us. You and that dark-skinned man--the Kalbassian."

This time her entire body flinched. There was another lengthy pause. "What do you want?"

"Just to talk." The sound of Bulma and her father arguing reminded the prince that they might not be alone for much longer. "After lunch, during your break. I'll be outside."

"Alright."

As he'd expected, Bulma came charging out of the ship a moment later. "What an idiot," she was muttering. "It's a government spacecraft, not a cruise ship!" She noticed Vegeta's position, and frowned disapprovingly. "Hey, free-loader, quit bothering the employees, ya hear?"

"Sure, whatever." Vegeta stood and moved away from the ship, making a note to brush against her as he passed. "Don't work yourself too hard," he mocked.

"Don't work _at all_," Bulma retorted sarcastically, her hands on her hips. "Doing the dishes is considered _lethal_ to some individuals."

The prince merely waved as he left.

--

Koan couldn't concentrate at all that morning. She continued to work, but completed only half of the tasks she'd planned to do. Several times she had to insist to Bulma that she was fine, and that Vegeta hadn't tried anything with her. When lunch break finally came, she was nearly paralyzed with indecision. It was likely that he would try to advance on her again--was he honestly so desperate? Was it because she was a Saiyan--the only Saiyan woman he'd most likely ever meet? After all, they both knew a woman's duty was to her master, and if the prince was searching for a mate….

Koan shook her head stubbornly as she started outside. _You don't owe him anything,_ she told herself. _You don't owe anyone. No one can control you anymore. Not him. You might as well talk to him._

Vegeta was outside, as promised, relaxing on one of the lawn chairs. He was dressed in a pair of dark corduroys and a baggy blue shirt, and dark sunglasses rested stylishly on his face. He lifted the shades as she took a seat on an adjacent chair. "You look tired," he observed.

"It was a long morning," she replied simply. Of course he knew that _he_ was the cause. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Us." He folded his hands on his stomach, the very picture of confidence. "Do you remember me? From Brennel?"

Koan nodded slowly. Though she'd been young, she could still picture his boyish face in her mind. "At the time, I didn't know that Planet Vegeta had been destroyed."

"You never boarded Freeza's ship after that," he said pointedly. "I remember--I looked for you."

This surprised her, an emotion which showed in her face. "Why?"

Vegeta shrugged as if it didn't matter anymore. "I don't know. We were the last, after all. There's something more important I wanted to know." He sat up, and turned so that they were face to face. "Back then, when I told you that I was strong, you asked if I loved anyone." She blinked several times. "What did you mean?"

"Exactly that," Koan replied, trying to keep her voice calm. She broke eye contact with him. "I was a child. I had some false impressions."

"Well, then I supposed that now those impressions have been corrected?"

__

Yes. I know the way life works. "I suppose."

Vegeta regarded her silently for what felt to her like ages. His sharp, attentive glare unnerved her in a way she wasn't accustomed to. It caused her heart to pound fiercely against her temples. "Tell me," he instructed at last. He sounded oddly sincere.

Koan bit her lip. "I don't know what you mean."

"How were your impressions 'corrected?'"

__

What does he want from me? If I tell him…what will he say? She turned her head away to keep from being affected by his heavy stare. _He'll mock me, surly…_.

"I'm at a disadvantage with you." He was speaking again, and she returned her attention. His tone was clear and low, almost menacing in nature despite his words. She wasn't sure what to make of it. "You saw me when I was most vulnerable, on Namek. I didn't mean for that."

"I know." She gulped. "And I guess…I owe you an explanation of myself. It's only fair."

Vegeta shook his head; the tension released from him in the form of sigh. "'Fairness' is Kakarot's line," he replied, pushing to his feet. "There's no point in it." For a moment his expression hardened. "Knowing something I shouldn't won't mean anything. It has to come from you, or else I don't care." He turned to leave.

"W-Wait." Koan licked her lips, debating with herself. He had made an amazing gesture just then, one that had not gone unnoticed. Had he demanded an explanation, she would have relented. But he hadn't. It was almost as if he was trusting her, something she wasn't used to.

"Thank you." She stood, fidgeting just barely. "Prince Vegeta, I should apologize."

"Not 'should'," he interrupted, glancing over his shoulder.

"Fine. I _want_ to apologize." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for misjudging you. I heard so much about you unfairly--I mean, accidentally--and I still don't understand you well."

"There's not much to know." He crossed his arms.

"I'll tell you something." She retook her seat, and after a moment he followed suit. "I want to." Slowly, her tail unwrapped from her waist and stretched out along the chair. _He's not like the others. He won't hurt you._ "My father was an Elite Class warrior named Turps." Vegeta's posture became more erect--he recognized the name, as she thought he would. "He was powerful, and well respected. But then he became ill." Her voice grew heavy with remorse. "He took a wife soon after. She was of a low class, and it disgraced."

Vegeta nodded thoughtfully. "I remember Nappa tell me about him once. "He was exceptional, until he became ill."

Koan folded her hands and continued. "What he never told anyone was that my mother, Balna, was not only a low class soldier. He was in love with her."

----

Vegeta frowned. At first he thought that she was lying--the look on her face told otherwise. It wasn't that he didn't know about love--he'd simply never heard it used in reference to a Saiyan mating before. They chose mates of their class. They had children that were bred to their trade, and then they moved on. Sometimes Saiyans paired for life--sometimes they didn't care to know the woman's name. Love was rare under such circumstances, and was generally considered a weakness.

"I was only two years old when father died," she went on. "My mother died soon after. But I still remember the things they taught me, and the feeling I got from them. The feeling of being loved that few--if any--Saiyans had."

Vegeta stared at her long and hard. A smirk twisted his lips. "The world turned out to be a little different, didn't it?"

To his mild surprise, Koan smiled back. "Yes, it did."

She was smiling at him. He didn't know whether he should resent it or not. He wanted to know what she was thinking. _Love…what does she expect? What good does it do? It made Kakarot soft, which almost cost him his life._

It did_ cost him his life._

--

__

You shouldn't have told him that, Koan berated herself. _Love…are you mad? That's the one thing he can't understand, don't you get it? He could never understand what you're talking about. He doesn't want to._

So much uncertainty, and yet they still smiled. She didn't know why--perhaps it was that they seemed to share something, a common hardship in their past. At last Koan decided to end this. Though explaining to him had granted her some peace of mind, there was still more; secrets she'd never shared, was too ashamed to share.

__

Maybe he would understand.

No, he couldn't possibly.

"I think this is about the end of my lunch break," Koan said, climbing to her feet. "Thank you. I mean that."

Vegeta snorted. "Sure. I'm glad we got this chance to…communicate." He swung his legs around, reclining in the lawn chair once more. The black sunglasses returned to their perch on the bridge of his nose. "You've got nothing to worry about anymore, Koan. I know you're afraid of me, and you don't have to be." She winced a bit. "The two of use are Saiyans--maybe the last. We stick together."

Oddly, his words comforted her. "Yes."

--

Vegeta lifted an eyebrow as Koan departed, watching her tail swing back and forth. _Great. I made her happy._ He wasn't sure if that had been his intent; he wasn't even sure if he was pleased with the outcome of their short discussion. She had granted partial light to her complicated personality, but now more than ever he was sure she held deeper secrets. Secrets that he wanted to find.

__

Once, she had a Saiyan's spirit--Saiyan pride. Where did it go?

To Next Chapter

Return


	7. When Giving In Is Not Enough

****

Falling Short

Chapter 5: When Giving In Is Not Enough

Koan dried her hands on an old towel as Dr. Brief shut down the lab for the night. "You did some good work today, Koan," he said appreciatively. "Get some rest--tomorrow we're going to have a party for Goku, after all."

"Yes. Good night, Dr. Briefs."

"Sleep well."

Koan returned to her room and changed for bed; long flannel pants with a hole cut for her tail, and tank top served as pajamas. Cumber was already in bed, asleep. She smiled down at him.

"Mom…?" Cumber lazily opened his eyes, squirming beneath the covers.

"Hey, little man." Koan seated herself on the bed's edge and stroked his cheek affectionately. "How was today?"

"Fun," he replied immediately. "Baiba says I'm getting a lot stronger."

"I'm proud of you." She tucked him in snugly and kissed his cheek. "How about tomorrow morning we make a big lunch for Gohan and his dad."

Cumber grinned delightedly. "Okay. Good night, Mom." The young boy closed his eyes, slowly falling asleep.

Koan smiled at her son. Her pride in him was overwhelming, even if she often disapproved of his power-oriented goals. He believed in what he was doing, and he stuck to it. She envied that tenacity.

She was pulled from her reprieve by the sound of heavy footfalls, and someone entering the room across from theirs: Vegeta's room. Curiosity drove her to peek outside the door.

The door to Vegeta's room had been thoughtlessly left open, and through the opening she could see the man himself. His blue training outfit was scorched and ripped in several places, and also stained with blood and sweat. He peeled the top half of the garment off his body and tossed it into a pile on the floor. Then he moved to the window.

Koan watched, her breath held as if awaiting some action. But he didn't move from that spot. Several minutes passed, and still he did not turn from the canopy of black-framed stars. At last she couldn't help herself; she crossed the threshold into his domain.

It had been a month since their talk outside the Capsule Corps, when Koan admitted to him the secret she harbored concerning her parents' ideals. Since then they'd had little chance to meet: Koan's work kept her busy, and Vegeta spent most of his time training only to disappear into his room each night. She found this disappointing, as she'd been hoping that perhaps their exchange had deepened an understanding between them. But now he seemed more withdrawn and bitter than ever.

Vegeta didn't seem to notice at first, so consumed was he in his blind vigil. Koan approached slowly, and finally resorted to scuffing her feet on the carpet to make her presence known. He stood a little straighter then, but he didn't speak. She decided to go first. "You were training pretty hard today."

"Kakarot will return tomorrow," he replied stiffly.

"Will you challenge him?"

The prince's manner relaxed somewhat with her question. "No." The word was a sigh. "Until I become a Super Saiyan, that will have to wait."

Koan nodded thoughtfully--at least he was smart enough to realize his limitations. "What will you do?"

"Become stronger."

__

Of course. I should have expected that. Koan moved closer, trying to see his face. The expression was a strange combination of muscles on his face; indecision, wrath, and reality all rested heavily inside him. She touched his arm and felt his skin stretched tight and trembling. "Vegeta," she told him softly, "don't do this to yourself now. You will have your chance. Thinking of it for too long will only drive you mad."

Vegeta looked at her. His eyes, dark with a kind of agony she'd never be able to understand, pierced her. He didn't need to speak the words.

__

I have nothing else.

They stood together that way, just staring. When Vegeta finally spoke his voice was hoarse and deep, like that of a withered and aging king. "What happened to us, Koan?" he asked in a kind of vacant way. The back of his hand touched her face, and she flinched momentarily at the contact. "So much has changed."

She bit her lip and couldn't respond. Despite the rough texture of his skin his touch was not harsh. His fingers ran through her hair, slightly possessive but far different than what she had once been accustomed to. "Why?" was her question when she found the strength to ask. "Why do you…have such interest in me?"

"Because we're alike," the prince replied, tracing his fingers along her jaw. She gulped. "Because you see something in me that I can't. Tell me." He urged her closer to him. "What was it you were always looking for? What did you see?"

"I…I don't know," Koan admitted, unable to draw away from him. "Something--something different."

"Than what?" he persisted. His breath was hot against her face. "That Kakarot?"

She shook her head immediately. "He has nothing to do with this. Vegeta, _you're_ the one I want to understand."

He pulled back, startled by her declaration. Koan was similarly affected by her own words, and she stuttered helplessly. _How can I explain to him?_ She wondered desperately, suffering under the doubt in his glare. But it was still there--the _something_ she'd seen before, had been hoping to find. She reached out, touching his face as if to raise that mysterious emotion to his surface. He didn't react to her touch as it slid down his cheek and neck, resting finally on his chest.

__

What am I doing…?

Vegeta's hands closed around her shoulders, pulling her forward suddenly. His mouth demanded from her a fierce kiss she didn't expect. And though her first reaction was to recoil, she stayed. A moment later it seemed that she didn't have a choice; his arms were around her, binding her against his body. One hand entangled in her hair at the base of her neck, forcing their lips together. His smell, his warmth, smothered her, until her pulse was racing and she couldn't breathe.

__

Why am I doing this?

Vegeta's other hand moved, gliding firmly down her back. Instinctively she drew closer to him, her hands trembling against his chest. She found herself kissing him back, nearly terrified by her own reactions but unable to help them. Her response was hesitant and meek; the Saiyan prince merely heightened his aggressions. He took hold of her tail near its root. Koan's body jolted with more fear than pain, and a gasp of surprise that was nearly a sob separated their mouths.

She started to push away. _I can't do this. I don't have to anymore. I--_

"Don't." Vegeta's voice in her ear, breathless and sharp, halted her. His grip loosened, if only so that he could stroke her tail more gently. She was too startled by this gesture to react. With strong--but restrained--fingers he probed the limb to its tip. Koan couldn't help but shudder. She held her breath as he repeated the almost soothing caress.

__

Why? Why is he doing this--why am I? What do I see? He kissed her neck, her face, her ears and eyelids. He began to undress her; slowly at first, then with increasing urgency as he explored every inch of her uncovered skin. Before she realized what was happening she felt cold fabric against her naked back, and the weight of Vegeta's body pressing down on her from above.

__

Is this really…what I wanted? I can't see his eyes anymore….

Koan opened her eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse of that shining she'd found in him. But she couldn't. There was only the shadowed white of tiled ceiling. She couldn't even remember what it had looked like.

__

Is this my destiny? Is this all I am?

Koan didn't resist. She took the man into her arms and body, forsaking control of her instincts to allow him his victory over her. He left no part of her untouched, branding her with the heat of his desire. His hands dominated her, molding her into a form she already knew well. They made her his own.

* * *

When the ashes burned down Vegeta rolled onto his back, settling into the bed space beside the woman. The contented feeling didn't last long. Exhaustion and a deeper, unknown emotion rose against him. It wasn't enough. Though he'd finally alleviated many of his frustrations, he wasn't satisfied.

__

Why am I doing this?

The prince turned his head. Koan was lying on her back, moonlight dancing lethargically over her sweat. Her black eyes were vacant as they stared straight ahead. When she'd managed to get her breathing to an acceptable rate once more, she glanced at him. Her gaze had returned to searching. And, having not received her answers, she turned her focus to the tiled sky. After a moment she closed her eyes.

__

Is this really what I wanted from her?

Vegeta let his breath out slowly, closing his eyes in pursuit of sleep. His weary muscles were eager to comply, but his brain refused to be so easily subdued. Again and again his thoughts found their way back to the Saiyan woman at his side. Whenever he looked she hadn't moved--he wondered if she was asleep.

__

What happened to us, Koan? So much has changed.

Those were his last thoughts as his mind surrendered to the pains of his body.

* * *

Koan awoke as if into her memories. She was bed, her naked body only partially covered by the thin sheets. Goosebumps crawled across her skin. A body was beside her--a man, slumbering peacefully. Her muscles were sore and stiff, and she had no strength to work them. She waited. That as how it was supposed to be; she would wait until he awoke, to assure that her body was no longer wanted.

__

Is this how it ends? Slowly, Koan pushed herself into a sitting position and stared down at her bed-mate. He was sleeping, his face drawn tight as he fended off dream battles. _After everything, to be reborn back into this life, a soulless whore?_ Her fingers slid clumsily over his face, then hers. _I am his, now. I have a new master._

A sob passed her lips, and she struggled to silence herself as tears escaped her tightly closed eyelids. _No, no. I don't want…_. She shook herself, almost violently, and wrapped herself in her arms. She could still feel the remnants of his fingerprints on her flesh. Trembling, she slid off the bed and retrieved her clothing.

Koan dressed cautiously, as if expecting Vegeta to awaken and any moment. _It doesn't matter_ some voice deep within her brain whispered, mocking her frustrated tears. _You belong to him now._

Biting her hand to keep herself silent, Koan fled from the room.

* * *

The first thing Vegeta realized when he awoke was that he was alone. The air was a bit too cold, and charged with a mysterious kind of tension. He wasn't surprised that she'd left. In fact, he should have expected it. Something had changed between them--a conclusion with nothing resolved, utterly meaningless. Muttering to himself about the complexities of women, he dressed.

It wasn't until Vegeta had left the room that he realized that he could no longer sense Koan's spirit. The door to her room was open. He investigated, only to find an unmade bed. Only slightly disconcerted, he continued on to the kitchen, expecting to find her preparing the lunch for Kakarot's arrival. Bulma and her mother were there, and only them.

"Good morning, Vegeta," Mrs. Briefs greeted in her characteristically cheerful tone. "It's nice to see you."

Vegeta ignore her, as he usually did. "Where's Koan?" he asked of Bulma.

The blue-haired woman shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't seen her. She might still be getting dressed."

He left without another word, making his way toward the Capsule Corps lab. She wasn't there, either. Cumber wasn't training with Baiba in the yard. He strained his senses, searching, and came up with nothing.

Koan was gone.

Vegeta returned to the kitchen once more, convincing himself that Koan would be there this time. It was foolish for her to leave--where would she go? Did she expect to fit in among humans, and live their life as Kakarot had? A feeling like anxiety rose within him; why did he even care? She wasn't his concern, and if he so desired he could easily find another to keep his bed warm.

Koan wasn't in the kitchen.

Vegeta cursed, slamming his fist down on the table. The wood creaked with the blow, on the verge of shattering. Bulma and her mother spun around. "What the hell is your problem?" the former exclaimed in a startled tone.

The prince set both palms on the now shaky furniture. "She's gone," he said, subdued.

"Who's gone?" asked Mrs. Brief's curiously. "Miss Koan?"

"What do you mean, gone?" demanded Bulma.

"She took Cumber and left." Vegeta straightened, gazing blindly out the window. He couldn't even feel the remnants of her departure. _Is this what I wanted?_

A hand touched his shoulder, and he jarred with the subtle contact. It was Bulma. She was watching him with a look of concern--did she really care? When he met her gaze directly it froze him. Her eyes shone a question, penetrating deeply just as Koan's obsidian ones had. She could see something, the way the Saiyan woman had been able to. She was trying to pull it out.

"What happened?" Her voice was soft, reaching for that hidden place within himself. The truth that everyone but him could see.

"Leave me alone," Vegeta snapped, and in his own voice he heard a note of pleading that shouldn't have been there. He had to escape that gaze, those eyes. "I don't need her, or you, or anything." With fists clenched and trembling he stormed from the room, leaving a bewildered Bulma to share a look with her mother.

* * *

--When they reached the edge of the city, Koan finally allowed her and her son a rest. She sat down in the tall grass and then flopped onto her back. The sky was very blue that day. It was beautiful and clear, so unlike her present mood. She hadn't even changed out of her pajamas, so desperate she'd been.

"Mom?" Cumber was watching her with concern. "Are you okay? Why do we have to go?"

"I…I'm sorry, Cumber." She rubbed her eyes wearily. "I just need some time…to think about this. It's not your fault--I just had to leave for a while."

The boy took a seat beside her, yawning; she had, after all, roused him from a sound sleep. "What about the party? Everyone will be there."

"Oh Cumber, I'm sorry." Koan sat up. She was beginning to see how foolish her actions had been--running away from Vegeta wouldn't solve anything. "I know you've been looking forward to seeing Gohan again." But when she thought about going back--seeing the prince's face--she felt cold all over. "Why don't you go back and help Bulma with lunch, okay?"

Child as he was, Cumber could see that something as very wrong. "Are you okay, Mom? Are you sick?"

"No, not really. Just very tired." She decided on the best way to explain her situation. "Vegeta and I got in an argument last night. I need some time to think, and then I'll come back. Now be a good boy and go help Bulma." She kissed him on the cheek and urged him off. "Go on. I'll be fine."

"Okay." Reluctantly, Cumber took to the air and flew off toward the Capsule Corps building.

Koan laid back down, gazing up at the sky once more. _It really is beautiful_, she thought to herself. Her view was momentarily obscured by the by the formation of her tears. She cursed and wiped them quickly away. _Pull yourself together_, she berated. _Vegeta isn't like Kado--he's not using you. He didn't do anything wrong. This sort of things happens all the time._

Doesn't it?

She sighed, her thoughts drifting to the Saiyan prince. She wondered what he thought of her now. When he saw her next would he be cruel, or simply indifferent? She certainly wasn't he first woman he'd possessed--that much she could tell.

__

I don't want to be possessed by anyone.

The sky which had once been so clear suddenly began to grow dark. Koan licked her lips. _They've called the dragon. Goku will be back soon. I wonder what Vegeta will do._ She sat there in the grass, watching as Shen-lon appeared against the backdrop of black clouds. There was no indication that the wise had been granted, however. Her senses reached out, hoping to catch Goku's spirit as soon as he had arrived. 

But she never felt it. As she watched, a spot of white rose from the Capsule Corps and continued upward, disappearing into the cloud canopy. Koan was on her feet before she realized she'd moved. _That's…Vegeta's spirit. But why…_. She immediately headed back for Capsule Corps.

* * *

By the time Koan had returned, Shen-lon was gone and the sky was clear again. Everyone was still outside on the lawn. Goku wasn't among them. However, Krillin and another man with his face covered in scars were enjoying the attention of their friends. She greeted them cheerfully--and hastily--and then joined her son.

"We tried to wish Goku back, but he wouldn't let us," Cumber explained around mouthfuls of food. "He's still alive! And he's coming back on his own."

"I don't understand," said Chichi, seated nearby. "Why won't he come back? We don't know where he is, when he'll get here, how he'll get here…." She trailed off, dismayed by her own reasoning. "Oh Goku, when will we ever be a real family again?" she questioned the heavens.

Gohan took her hand and smiled. "Don't worry, Mom. Dad'll be back before you know it. And then we'll have a real party, right Cumber?"

The other boy nodded deftly. "Yeah."

"But what about Prince Vegeta?" Koan asked briskly. "I felt his spirit leave."

"Yup, he's gone," replied Krillin easily. "He stole Dr. Brief's Capsule III and took off." He shrugged. "It's just as well, I guess. I just hope he doesn't try anything with Goku gone." He patted Gohan on the head. "But then, with Gohan and Cumber here, I'm sure we'd put up a good fight."

"Thanks, Krillin."

"Yeah!"

Koan turned her gaze upward, squinting against the sunlight in search of Vegeta's departure. By now the ship was far out of view. A deep sigh emptied from her lips, which drew the attention of her comrades. "Koan?" Chichi asked curiously. "Are you all right?"

"Yes." She shook herself and quickly regained her composure. "Just…a bit startled, I suppose. It's better this way." She gave them all a smile. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to change my clothes." She turned away from them and started inside, hiding a deep sigh.

To Next Chapter

Return


	8. When Fighting Is Not Enough

****

Falling Short

Chapter 6: When Fighting Is Not Enough

"I can't believe you!" Bulma thundered as she chased Yamcha through the rooms of the Capsule Corps building. "No only did you show up _three hours late_, but you were with _another woman_!"

"Hey, hey, who said anything about another woman?" Yamcha demanded, turning on her. "I'll have you know--"

"You smell like _perfume_. Your suit's messed up, and--" She held up the slip of paper she'd discovered in his pocket. "--this isn't _my_ phone number."

Yamcha shrugged. "So, it's from a work buddy."

"There's _lipstick_ on it!" Bulma threw the crumpled sheet at him--naturally, he snatched it out of its flight. "How _dare_ you do this to me again, Yamcha. After everything--"

"'Krillin and Gohan and I went through to get the Dragon Balls…'" he mimicked. "Yeah, I know. And thanks a lot, really. It's just…." He scratched the back of his head. "I stopped at the bar on my way over, and there's this girl--she's seen me play--and--" 

"Save it, you pig," she snapped. "I'm through with you--through, you hear me?" She put her hands on her hips, ready to let him have it with every male-bashing vulgar profanity she knew--a considerable amount. She was halted, however, by a beeping sound from the computer against the wall. Though her temper remained intact, her focus switched when she realized its source. "Aha! Finally!" She ran to the console.

Yamcha released a sigh, thanking every god he knew of for the diversion. Curiously, he approached. "What is it?"

"Vegeta." Bulma said the name as if it was one of the curses she'd been saving for her ex-boyfriend. Yamcha nearly leapt back at the mentioning of it. "I've been looking for him for a year--how dare he steal my father's ship!" Her fingers flew over the keyboard, tapping furiously. "Damn, he wasn't far away after all. He must have been hiding."

"What are you going to do?"

"Bring him back," she replied deftly.

"What!?" Yamcha leaned over her shoulder. "Are you crazy? We finally got rid of him and you want him back?"

Bulma cackled triumphantly, crossing her arms, as she sat back. "Got that spiky-haired bastard on navigation override. And to correct your earlier questions, no, I'm not crazy and no, I don't want him back--I wan the ship back."

Yamcha spun her chair around and stared her directly in the eye. "Bulma, it took Goku six days in that kind of ship to become a Super Saiyan. Do you have any idea what a guy like Vegeta can do in a _year_!?"

The blue-haired woman dismissed his concerns with a wave of her hand. "He may say he's gonna destroy the Earth, but it's really Goku he's after. He won't try anything." She grinned wickedly. "And in the meantime, I get revenge."

Yamcha didn't quite get it. It was clear by the look on his face that he didn't understand how a woman could go from being terrified of a man, to hating him, to inviting him back to her house. He scratched the top of his head. "Um…are you sure about this?"

"Of course! Come on--I'm gonna give him an earful." Bulma returned to her counsel and began to type again.

"The last thing you want to do is get him mad," he replied diffidently.

The computer monitor changed, and after a moment of static it revealed a view of the interior of the Capsule III. Bulma scanned the small portion visible to her, and frowned. "Hey, lazy-ass vegetable head, this is your reality check," she announced, ignoring Yamcha's rapid hand gestures. "On Earth we call borrowing a $4 million zeni spaceship 'theft'. Consider your ass to be _mine_."

__

She's…as fearless as Goku, Yamcha thought to himself, keeping his lips tightly pressed.

There was no reply. Bulma waited as long as her patience allowed--three seconds--and tried again. "I know you're listening _Prince_ Vegeta. You can't change your course without blowing up the whole ship, and the escape pods have been disabled. You're gonna have to face me sooner or later, so you might as well fess up now."

Another lengthy silence followed. "I don't like this," Yamcha muttered. "He's up to something. Maybe we should--"

"Hold on." She cocked her head to the side and moved closer to the screen. "Can you hear that?" She adjusted a few of the controls, then motioned for him to be quiet. Through the speakers filtered a dull, rasping sound. "Is that feedback?"

"No. Sounds like…breathing. Shit, Bulma, I don't like this." He paused, pointing to the corner of the screen. It was the display for the gravity machine. "200. Is that…?"

"That stupid little…." Bulma rolled her eyes and returned to typing. "I think I can disable the gravity machine once he gets close. But by then we'll probably have to scrape him off the floor. He'll be here in less than an hour."

"Shouldn't we contact Krillin? And Tienshinhan, and Chao-zu, and at least Piccolo?" Yamcha grinned sheepishly--he wasn't looking forward to another meeting with the Saiyan.

"What for? I'm sure he's in no condition to get rowdy. When you live with a guy for a couple weeks, you kinda get to know their personality." She scowled. "Not that you'd know anything about that--or anything that vaguely resembles commitment."

He cringed, allowing the subject to drop before she decided to resume their earlier argument. "I'm going to wake my parents," she went on. "I'll meet you out front. And if you even _think_ about standing me up this time, you'll wish I'm as forgiving as Vegeta," she added tersely.

"Yes Ma'am," was all he could say.

* * *

When Bulma laid eyes on Vegeta she wasn't quite sure what to think. He was lying on his back in the center of the training area, barely conscious, his armor cracked and left shoulder dislocated. She and her father examined him briefly before declaring him safe to be moved. Yamcha carried the prince to his old room where Mrs. Briefs had already prepared a bed. No one said much, taken in by the sight of the broken warrior.

Bulma's gaze was drawn continuously to his face. His expression was tight, not from physical agony but a deeper pain. He'd worn himself down in every sense, until there was nothing left to give. It was as if his own obsession had defeated him. It was almost pitiful. She felt as if she were viewing something infinitely personal and rare, like a man who had for the first time truly realized his own limitations.

"You shouldn't be seeing this." Bulma turned to Yamcha, who was also staring at the Saiyan with a bit of shock. She knew that he could never understand what he was seeing. "Let's leave him alone for a while. He'll probably sleep all night." She began to usher everyone outside. "He'll be hungry when he wakes up, though. I should probably go out and get some food."

"Wait a minute," Yamcha protested as he was pushed through the door. "What about our date?"

She snorted. "Didn't I tell you? We're through."

"Over a little thing like--"

"It's _not_ a little thing!"

Mrs. Briefs closed the door to Vegeta's room behind them, and quickly intervened as her husband looked on. "Now now, Dear, let's all just take a breather, hmm?" She interposed herself between the combatants. "Now, you father and I will go do some quick shopping for Mr. Vegeta. And you two can settle this like the mature couple you are."

Bulma crossed her arms. "I doubt _maturity_ has anything to do with it," she muttered.

"You two behave until we get back, okay? Have fun now." Mrs. Briefs grinned--her normal cheerful self--and led her husband away.

Yamcha sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Bulma, I can't believe this. You're really willing to take care of that monster?"

"He's not a monster," Bulma retorted without thinking. "I mean--didn't you listen to what Krillin and Gohan told us? About the life he's lived?"

"What, you mean about Freeza and all that?" He shrugged. "I didn't think you were the kind of person to sympathize with something like that."

She bristled. "What are you implying? That I'm insensitive?"

"No, I didn't--"

"You know what? Get out." Bulma pointed emphatically to the door. "For your information I happen to be a very caring person, and I'm sick you judging me--and him. Get out, now."

"But Bulma--"

"Now."

Yamcha regarded her critically, then only shook his head. "I hope you know what you're doing," he murmured, turning his back. He waved as he left. "See ya around, Bulma."

"Sure. Whatever." She crossed her arms and turned away, determined to not show any regret over her decisions. She was doing the right thing. What Goku would have done.

She didn't sleep easily that night.

* * *

Vegeta awoke slowly. His entire body ached, and his stomach felt twisted from days of not eating. He was puzzled momentarily by the sunlight stinging his eyes, and the feel of cloth sheets. _Where…?_ He glanced about, confused to find himself in his old room in the Capsule Corps building. _But how did I get here?_ When he tried to sit up, his stomach muscles complained sharply. He elected to stay put.

A few short minutes later there was a soft knocking on the door. He didn't reply--the door opened anyway. The source had been Bulma, carrying a wide tray of delicious-smelling food. "Oh, so you're awake." She stepped inside and nudged the door closed with her foot. "I knew you wouldn't stay down for long."

"How long have I been here?" he asked, attempting again to sit up. His arms trembled as they supported his weight.

"Just a day and a half," the woman replied. "Do you need some--"

"I don't need any help," the prince snapped. He leaned his back against the headboard for support, finally finding some balance. "How did I get here?"

Bulma sat the tray down on his lap, and though he hated accepting aid from anyone, his starvation demanded nourishment. He quickly began to devour the meal. "I got control of your ship through my computer," she explained as he ate. "And it's a good thing I did, or you would have been stuck out there."

Vegeta rolled his eyes. "Sure. And by the way, what exactly am I eating?"

"Eggs benedict. I figured you might as well get a hot meal, considering you almost killed yourself out there." She watched him. Though most of her fear of him had faded by now, she still appeared a bit tense. He noted that her hair had lengthened since he'd seen her last and she was dressed more pleasantly; a white blouse and a blue jean skirt. The top button of her shirt was undone, and the skirt didn't quiet reach her knees. He usually didn't think of these things--perhaps being out of human contact for so long had left him more susceptible. He shook his head to clear it, but instantly another image came to him. "Where's Koan?" he asked, trying to sound non-chalet.

"She left." Bulma sighed. "She said she didn't want to be here if you came back. She's--"

"What?" Vegeta stopped eating to glare at her--the woman drew back under his harsh stare. He quickly regained his composure. "Is that so?" He took a long drink of orange juice. "Where is she now?"

She hesitated, indicating that she did know, despite her reply of, "I don't know. But she's not far, because Cumber comes over sometimes to tell us how they're doing."

"Well, that's too bad." The prince finished his meal, not bothering to thank its bearer. "That wasn't…inedible."

Naturally, Bulma had come to accept this lack of gratitude. "I guess that's as much a compliment as I'll ever get from you," she muttered, taking the tray. "I'll bring lunch around noon. Whatever you do until then is your business." And then she left, tight skirt and all.

Vegeta sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily. _It's not bad enough that I've been wondering about Koan for the last year. Now I have to figure out this one, too._ He laid down on his back, hoping that a more relaxed position would allow his muscles to loosen. _She knows very well that I won't be going anywhere at all today. I might as well recuperate. _He closed his eyes. _She knows where Koan is. When I've healed, I'll find out._

* * *

Bulma brought lunch at noon, as promised. She stayed as Vegeta ate, chatting casually. She could tell that he wasn't paying attention except to add a sarcastic comment, but she didn't care. It was almost nice having someone in the house besides her parents, now that Koan, Cumber, and the Nameks were gone.

When Bulma brought dinner, she was surprised to find the Saiyan prince bench-pressing his desk. After a brief--very loud--argument she convinced him that it was too soon to continue training. "Only when you're fully healed will you be able to determine your full strength," she reasoned. "You've got all the time in the world. Now eat the food I made you."

Still grumbling to himself, Vegeta ate the meal of steak and potatoes. His eyebrow raised a bit, the only clue that he might have actually enjoyed the taste. His approval genuinely pleased her, though she wasn't sure why. If he didn't care enough to thank her, then why should she care enough to bother with his opinion? She was doing a good service to the Saiyan--wasn't that good enough? At least he wouldn't blow up the planet if he thought he could get free food.

"Don't you have any annoying banter?" Vegeta asked between mouthfuls.

"If you can't compliment me," Bulma's temper responded, "the least you can do is not insult me. I'm not doing this for my health, you know."

Vegeta regarded her silently for a moment. "Fine. I like your shirt." He gulped down a mouthful of potatoes. "It shows your breasts rather nicely."

Bulma immediately crossed her arms and legs--then uncrossed her legs, as crossing them only succeeded in showing more of her thigh. "That's not what I had in mind," she snapped, lifting her chin. "Even if lots of people say that." She glanced at him only briefly before looking away. She could feel her cheeks growing hot.

"So, you're a slut."

She spun on him like a wolf. "I am _nothing_ of the sort!" she exclaimed, inches from his face. Even the Saiyan prince was startled by her volume. "Just because I happen to be an _extraordinarily _beautiful woman doesn't mean I like to wait on you filthy, obnoxious, hormone-driven pigs who call yourselves men! You may be a prince, buddy, but you've got a lot to learn about how to treat a lady!"

"You'll have to point one out to me sometime," Vegeta retorted with a cool smirk.

Bulma fumed silently. She would have loved to hit him--a punch, even a slap would have done wonders--but she didn't dare. It was, after all, Vegeta, and his retaliation would be severe. "You…you little…" she hissed, unable to generate a worse enough insult. She trembled in rage and frustration. "How dare you," she said at last through clenched jaws.

"How original." His hand was touching her face--his fingers were rough and hot against her skin. She gulped, surprised by the touch. He was drawing closer. "But really, there _is_ a reason you're taking care of me, isn't there?" he asked, his hot breath spilling over her face. "Maybe…you're hoping I'll treat you like a lady." His hand slid slowly down her neck, over her collarbone and chest, until his index finger curled around the top button of her silk shirt. "Or like a woman."

"I don't need anything from you," she retorted, though her voice sounded no louder than a whisper. Something inside her ached. She _had_ thought about him this past year, remembering the ice in his eyes and intensity of his stare. The same man that terrified her also gave her goosebumps. And it had been so long since she'd been treated as anything--let alone a woman worthy of being teased this way.

She kissed him--perhaps for a thousand reasons, perhaps only a few. Not even Bulma herself was sure what had caused her sudden advance. Vegeta recoiled momentarily, as if he hadn't expected this reaction from her. His stupor didn't last; the dinner tray clattered to the floor as he dragged her to his lap, pulling her body against his with an almost violent force. Their lips refused to separate even to breathe. They were caught up in a terrible frenzy, as if locked in some kind of conflict, trying to best the other. 

__

My God, what am I doing?

Bulma pushed on Vegeta's shoulders, trying unsuccessfully to ease them apart. He merely held her closer. She didn't find her chance for escape until he relaxed his embrace--even then it was to reach for her shirt buttons. She took advantage of this by halting his hands and pushing away. With one hand clasped to her chest she stood from the bed. Her heart was pounding. _What…what's gotten into me?_ she wondered desperately, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She shuddered, still able to feel the imprints of Vegeta's hands against her back.

__

Come on, Bulma, pull yourself together! This is Vegeta, remember? He almost destroyed the entire Earth! He killed all your friends! She calmed herself, waiting for him to say something but hoping he wouldn't. "Well…" she began at last. "Um, I…that was odd."

"Very odd." 

Bulma frowned--she couldn't distinguish what emotion was in his voice. She turned. Vegeta was watching her thoughtfully, a hint of what might have been a grin on the edges of his lips. She didn't know whether she should be excited or frightened. Slowly, so that he wouldn't see her trembling, she bent down to gather the spilled dishes. He was still watching her as she replaced them on the tray, and started to leave.

"I liked the taste."

She stiffened, nearly dropping her tray in surprise. "It's about time you appreciated my cooking," she said through tight lips.

"I wasn't talking about the food."

Bulma quickly exited the room.

To Next Chapter

Return


	9. When Escape Is Not Enough

****

Falling Short

Chapter 7: When Escape Is Not Enough

"I know, but he's been asking about you."

Vegeta paused before entering the kitchen. Though he'd spent the past several days in his room, recuperating and pondering the actions of his blue-haired host, now he felt ready to move about again. His wanderings had led him to Bulma's voice; she was talking to someone, about him. He decided to listen.

"He's all right, I guess. He kind of over-exerted himself, but he's fine now." Bulma twirled the phone card around her fingers. "Yeah, a few days. It's…not so bad. No, he hasn't tried anything." He smirked at the slight falter in her tone. "We're almost getting along. Oh, sure. Actually…that might not be a good idea."

Vegeta entered the room, and she jumped when she saw him. "Oh, Vegeta, um--"

"Good morning." He snatched the phone from her hand and turned around before she could protest. "Who is this?" he demanded into the receiver.

Silence met him on the other end. "Is this Koan?" he continued, ignoring Bulma's complaints.

"…Yes," the woman replied at last. Her voice was quiet and almost meek, just how he remembered. Something inside him fluttered at the sound of it. "This is Koan."

The prince licked his lips. "Where are you?"

"In town."

Another long pause followed before Vegeta spoke again. "Come over."

"Why?" Her voice was wavering.

"Because." He hesitated. "I want to see you."

Koan didn't speak. Vegeta waited impatiently for her answer, but none came. A moment later there was a clicking sound, followed by a dial tone.

--

It was late that evening when Bulma received a phone call. She'd been on her way to find Vegeta--after a long and tiring day she could use a diversion, even if in the form of a verbal battle. The past several days had found her with similar intentions; whatever the outcome, she was drawing closer to the Saiyan Prince. More than that, she couldn't help the feeling that he was welcoming her.

Bulma seated herself in front of the telephone monitor, as a video was available. "Hello? This is Bulma."

"Uh, hi, Bulma. It's Krillin." The screen flickered, then showed her the squattish face of her ancient bald friend. He was wearing his usual baseball cap. "How're ya doing?"

"I'm fine." She smiled. It was good to finally hear from someone, as she hadn't communicated with anyone besides Yamcha much in the last year. "It's good to see you. What's up?"

Krillin blushed a bit in embarrassment. "Well, nothing really. I just wanted to, ya know, see how you were doing."

"Well, that's nice of you."

They chatted for a bit, commenting on the relative peace and their estimates on Goku's progress. After a few minutes, Krillin revealed the true reason for his call. "Listen, Bulma…I gotta ask you something."

"Sure, Krillin. Go ahead."

He took off his hat and played with it nervously. "Um, is it true? That Vegeta's with you?"

Bulma felt something in her chest stiffen. She did her best to maintain a pleasant outward appearance. "Actually, yeah. He's been here for a few days."

"And you're…okay with it?" he persisted. "Having him around, I mean."

"Sure," she replied easily. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well…he's _Vegeta_." Krillin's gaze wandered, drifting down to his hands as they curled around his hat. "And…I was worried about you. I mean…"

Bulma stared at him, a bit stunned. "You were worried about me?" she repeated.

"Yeah. So…you know, if he ever gets to be too much for you…yeah right…that is…" he stuttered. "I could…you know, come over and give you a hand." He grinned sheepishly. "Even if I probably won't be much help."

She didn't know how to respond. Here was Krillin, practically terrified to death of Vegeta, offering to help if the Saiyan got her into trouble. There was a genuine concern in his wide eyes, even as he was trying to appear confident. He had no idea what was going on at Capsule Corps, nor the strange bond she and Vegeta were now forming. He still thought the prince was their enemy.

"I'm just fine, Krillin," Bulma said with forced cheerfulness. "He's a handful, but nothing too tough for me." She cringed at her own words. "Thanks for being worried, but there's really no problem at all. In fact, I think I'll check up on him now."

"Uh, okay." Krillin frowned thoughtfully. "Well, if you need anything, give me a call, okay?"

"Sure." She couldn't stand it. She just couldn't bare to look at that face anymore, which so innocently assumed her discomfort. He probably even thought she was being noble, taking up Goku's cause in helping an enemy. "Well, bye Krillin."

"Yeah. See ya around."

Bulma flicked the screen off and leaned back in her chair. She felt weak and sick even after so simple and exchange. She wasn't so noble as she seemed. Her thoughts drifted back, remembering the trials they'd gone through that now seemed so far away. Lives had been risked and lost to the man who captivated her thoughts--the pain of those battles rested heavily inside her gut. Had she betrayed her friends in harboring their killer? If not, then surly by loving him….

Bulma hid her face in both hands. She didn't cry though her heart twisted and ached in shame. Her shoulders crept up and her head bowed, but still she remained silent. It was too late for her to cry now--much too late.

A pair of hands came down on her shoulders, strong but not harsh, holding her steady in her chair. She let out a quiet sob before she was able to stifle it; she already knew who it was. She wanted to pull away from him--anything that would aid in correcting her sins. But she could not reject his strength nor his warmth. His hands slid across her chest to grip the opposite shoulders, and his breath fell over her ears in wordless murmurs. His arms enveloped, protected, and possessed her. In that embrace she felt stable and immune to any harm--she welcomed it, as such consistency had never been in her life. She needed it now.

Vegeta led her to his room without a word. She knew what was going to happen long before he closed the door behind them--she could tell by his eyes. He needed something from her, and she surprised them both by not hesitating. She had finally admitted to herself; she was lonely. And it wasn't so wrong for her to choose this man, was it? He wouldn't have wasted his time on her if he hadn't chosen her, too.

Bulma kissed him, and drew close, urging his arms around her. The Saiyan returned her actions with less force than she would have expected--it had been some time before either of them had experienced this closeness. That night, they reminded each other.

-------

__

Several months later….

Vegeta leaned his elbows on his knees, frustrated with the circumstances he'd been forced into. Kakarot was speaking to the strange boy alone--what did he have to say that the prince couldn't hear? He didn't like this boy that had suddenly appeared, or his strength. And he was a Saiyan. Seeing him had been a shock--Vegeta had never seen a Super Saiyan, and he'd expected a more grandiose form for a power that could rule the universe. 

__

He's too young to have escape Planet Vegeta, the prince mused. _He's not Kakarot's son, and certainly not Radditz's or Nappa's. But there are no other Saiyans who could have been his parent. Except…_.

Vegeta's gaze drifted unwillingly to the furthest member of the group. Koan was seated on a small rock, as far as she could be from Vegeta and still be within the ring of people who had come to hear the strange boy. She was dressed in one of Kakarot's wife's outfits--an Asian-style dress of midnight blue. Her tail was wound tightly about her waist. _It's me,_ he realized; whenever she noticed his eyes on her, the tail tightened. Her fingers twisted around each other anxiously. _We haven't seen each other for over a year, and she's still afraid of me._

Kakarot returned with the strange boy, and related what had been said. Vegeta cursed beneath his breath. _An enemy stronger than Freeza? There are only a few years to prepare._ He grinned. _Finally, I'll have my chance to beat that arrogant half-wit Saiyan Kakarot._

Kakarot was looking at him. It wasn't a look of caution, or concern, but almost approval. Vegeta sneered. "What're you staring at?"

Kakarot grinned, which nearly nauseated him. "Nothing. Anyway, we have three years. One day of celebration won't hurt anything, huh Gohan?"

Gohan's face lit up with a grin, and he nodded vigorously. "Welcome home, Dad."

"How many times have you said that? Come on--let's have a party!"

Everyone returned to Capsule Corps, where Mrs. Briefs had already begun preparing a huge feast. All that day the group of friends relaxed, ate, and listened with rapt attention as Kakarot described his escape from Namek over and over. Vegeta watched from what he considered to be a safe distance. They were acting like fools--how could they be so calm, knowing that battles were at hand? He'd never allowed himself such childish indulgence off the battlefield.

A twitching of movement drew his attention across the room. Koan was speaking to Kakarot, her manner much less reserved than before. Her tail waved casually back and forth as she answered his questions. She was completely calm in his presence.

Vegeta scowled, a feeling of resentment swelling inside him as they conversed. He couldn't explain the sudden heat in his skin from watching them. It wasn't jealously--it was too strong to be jealously, and he was too advanced for that. Typical human emotions didn't apply to a Saiyan prince.

Koan glanced his way, and almost immediately her tail moved to encircle her waist. Kakarot noticed the change and followed her gaze, then smiled as if he understood. From then on, they both continued to cast glances his way as they talked.

The prince scowled, growing sick of watching. He turned to leave the room. But as soon as he'd gone through the door a hand touched his shoulder--a woman's hand. Slowly, he turned and crossed his arms. As expected, it was Koan.

"I…need to talk to you," she said diffidently.

Vegeta regarded her coldly. He was still angry, and he wasn't in the mood for her feeble excuses. "Do you want to go somewhere private?"

"No." Her refusal was immediate. "This is fine." The sounds of the party drifted into the hall with them. "I just…wanted to apologize." She wouldn't face him--her dark eyes, far more beautiful than he remembered, shifted about restlessly. "I've been rude to you."

He snorted. Though his annoyance with her was unwarranted, he couldn't help it. "Is that so."

Koan chewed her lip, searching the tile for something to say. He could tell, however, that it was using much of her courage to keep her rooted before him. If there was anything he could sense, it was fear. "I…don't even know why I'm talking to you," she went on in a somber, thoughtful kind of tone. "I guess because I feel like you'll be gone soon."

Vegeta straightened wit he words; in truth, he had intended to leave again in the Capsule III. For a moment he regarded her critically. _How does she always know…? She thinks she understands me so well._ "Why?"

"You have that look in your eyes." She was regaining her courage, bit by bit, and at last she faced him directly. Her gaze was focused, deep, and searching. "Like you know you don't belong here. You need to get away from them, beat them." As she spoke, he slowly uncrossed his arms. "As if they disgust you. Even Bulma."

"That's no concern of yours," Vegeta spat. He didn't regret the events that had taken place between him and the blue-haired inventor--she was a beautiful woman, and he a man. He never thought of the two of them outside of their bedroom setting. But faced with Koan, her eyes plucking answers out of his brain, his convictions faltered. She knew about him and Bulma without being told, and accepted it, the way he had accepted it. She felt no jealously and no injustice, unlike the typically possessive human females. She knew _him_, and she understood.

"I'm sorry, Prince Vegeta," Koan was saying. She kept her head up, as if he were about to do something amazing and she was waiting to see it. It unnerved him. "That's all I really wanted to say."

"What are you looking at?"

She paused, bewildered. "What do you mean?"

"I don't like the way you look at me," Vegeta growled. "Stop it."

Koan didn't understand, so she didn't honor his request. Her eyes merely sparked, as if she'd suddenly found what she'd sought. His curiosity overwhelmed him; he wanted to know what it was she saw.

"How should I look at you?"

Vegeta's expression darkened. "Don't patronize me. I know you're frightened." With that triumphant note he turned his back on the Saiyan woman and left, confident that he'd won the battle.

But he could still feel her eyes on his back, all the way down the hall.

--

The next morning, Bulma started making the coffee as soon as she was up. She scolded herself several times over for letting last night's booze get to her. A look around the kitchen showed that no one else was up yet. "I suppose I should make breakfast," she muttered, as everyone had spent the night after the celebrations. Then, after looking her kitchen over one more time, decided that it would be too much effort. Her mother would handle it soon enough. Instead, she plopped down at the table with her coffee and a bowl of instant oatmeal.

Soon after, someone else entered the room. She nearly spit out her coffee in surprise--it was Vegeta, dressed in his fighting outfit and armor. After a brief investigation of the refrigerator, he selected a frozen pizza--pepperoni, sausage, ham, and every other known meat byproduct--and put it in the microwave. It beeped and whirled to life.

"Tell me you're not leaving again," Bulma groaned.

"Why do you care?" he retorted callously.

She shifted in her chair. "It's _my_ spaceship. Besides, the ship doesn't have to be in space for the gravity machine to work. It's self-contained, after all."

The Saiyan prince didn't face her. "Better in space than surrounded by filthy, weak humans."

"Well, excuse me!" she declared, rolling her eyes. "Just remember--last time you came back, you were half dead. I don't want to have to nurse you back to health again."

Vegeta chuckled. "Next time, I'll find myself a prettier woman."

Bulma threw a wicked face at his turned back. "Good luck. Whatever you say, _prince_. Just don't come crawling back here."

"Fine." Vegeta removed his finished pizza from the microwave, and then walked out. His exit was so abrupt that at first she didn't even realize that he'd gone. Several minutes later, still eating her oatmeal, she heard the engines of the Capsule III igniting. She moved to the window in order to see the lift off.

"So, you're really going," she murmured, watching as the black and white sphere shot into the air, piercing the clouds. Soon there wasn't even a trail of smoke left to announce his departure. Bulma closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and returned to her daily routine.

To Next Chapter

Return


	10. When Striving Is Not Enough

****

Falling Short

Chapter 8: When Striving Is Not Enough

Koan leaned her back against the sturdy trunk of an oak tree at the edge of the stream. Her toes dipped lazily into the cold water, wiggling against the chill. She let the water pass through them, and then squished them in the mud. They were the simple, innocent actions of a child, and they brought her peace. She'd been living with the Son family and Cumber for the past sixteen months out in the mountains. She helped with the chores, doing laundry and cooking and watching after the two rambunctious boys. It was a pleasantly busy kind of life, and welcomed since the harshness of Namek.

But try as she might, she couldn't help the feeling that she was missing something. It had been a month since she'd seen Vegeta last. She thought of him often, recalling all of their strange encounters. She found herself wondering what would become of him, and what they would say when they met again. The concept caused her to tremble and her heart to throb simultaneously. She wanted to uncover his secrets, even knowing that she wasn't strong enough to do it.

"Koan?" Goku spotted her from downstream, having returned with Gohan and Cumber after a fishing expedition. Their baskets were filled with the lively catch. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Koan replied quickly. She didn't want to be a bother to anyone, especially Goku. He had been more than generous, accepting her and her son into his house. But another thought came to her; he was also very easy to talk to. "Actually, Goku, do you have a minute? To talk…."

"Oh sure." Goku handed his basket to Cumber, who struggled for only a moment with the extra weight. "You'll take that back to Chichi for me, won't you?"

"Sure, Goku."

"See you at home, Dad."

Goku waved cheerfully as the two boys departed, then took a seat on Koan's left. She was grateful for his instant comprehension--though Goku wasn't the brightest of men, he was always the most thoughtful. "So, Koan, what is it?"

Koan drew her feet out of the stream. "I just…like talking to you, I guess," she admitted. Her tail flicked idly at a tall weed. "You're easy to talk to, and…I don't know." She smiled at him with a bit of painful nostalgia. "My father used to say that Saiyans could be more than what they were--caring, almost tender when they needed to be. That strength comes from heart. Seeing you tells me that he was right."

He watched her curiously, almost childishly. "Really?"

"Yeah." Koan's courage faltered. "But…but I can't ever be like that."

"Why not?"

__

Why not? He'd said the question so simply that she almost laughed. Her reasons were so vague that she felt ridiculous in answering. "Just…because. Sometimes…I just don't feel right." She hesitated for a moment. "Sometimes I feel as if I didn't turn out to be the person I was supposed to be," she said. "I'm not a normal Saiyan--Vegeta made me realize that."

Goku rubbed his nose. "Vegeta, huh?" Whenever they spoke like this the subject always turned back to the Saiyan prince.

"I know it sounds odd, but it's true. Saiyan's fight--it's in our blood, our nature, even for you. Even for Gohan and Cumber. When a challenge comes, we stand and fight." She licked her lips. "But…but I can't stand up to him. I'm afraid--even when all he does is stare. I feel like I'm crawling inside myself, that I've become another person.

"For a while, on Namek, I gained back part of myself. I felt alive, the way I first felt when I came here. But now whenever I think of Vegeta--or any Saiyan--it frightens me." She lowered her head in embarrassment. "For a while, I was even scared of you coming back. I didn't know how you'd react toward me."

Goku was silent for a while, contemplating everything she'd said very carefully. "I think I get it," he said at last.

"You do?" Koan was a bit surprised.

"Sure." He smiled at her. "When I first found out I was a Saiyan, I was totally shocked. I'd only met my brother Radditz, after all, so I thought all Saiyans were scary killers. I didn't want to be one. But I kind of was forced to accept it, with all the fighting. When I did that, I felt like myself again."

"Accepting it," she repeated quietly. "I guess…I didn't really want to be a Saiyan, either." She shuddered with an old, terrifying memory. "I spent a long time…convincing myself that I wasn't good enough to live up to Father's expectations. Being a Saiyan meant fighting, and I…couldn't." She was grateful that he didn't question her hesitations. "What should I do to make up for that?"

Goku climbed to his feet. "Why don't we spar?"

Koan blinked, not expecting the sudden suggestion. "Spar?" she echoed. "Us? But I haven't fought for a while."

"Then I'll go easy on you." He winked. "You're a Saiyan--we always feel better after a little training. It'll be good for you." He extended his hand.

Tentatively, she accepted. To fight again…her heart began to quicken its pace at the prospect. _Am I really so excited to fight?_ she wondered, following Goku's example in a few warming up exercises. Her muscles seemed to remember all at once, making her anxious. _I haven't trained since Namek, long before Goku arrived. But_…_but it feels_…_right._

Goku attacked first, just to get things started. She blocked, at first hesitant to counter his blows. He grinned over their tangle of arms. "See, you remember. Attack me, now." He laughed at the face she made. "You won't hurt me, I promise."

"I know, but…."

"C'mon. Hit me."

Koan took a deep breath and tried an attack, which he obviously blocked without effort. They exchanged a few rounds--Goku held back enough to not hurt her, but not enough for it to be too easy for her. She punched and blocked, only dimly aware that he was gradually intensifying their workout. All the while Koan felt herself responding to the adrenaline in her blood; she was enjoying this. She trusted Goku completely, and in that security felt no fear. His fatherly patience with her gradually returning abilities served as a shelter, urging her to forget the boundaries she'd once built.

If you fight, you'll be punished--that was the lesson she'd learned as a child. That fear had smothered her, trapped her, but with this Saiyan's reassurance she felt more alive than ever. She fought, pushing her limits further, allowing instinct to take its course. She needed this opportunity--had been waiting for it.

The brief battle ended when Koan launched a spirit attack. Though Goku deflected it with ease, the pause gave them an excuse to catch their breath. Koan fell onto her rear, as her body was growing limp with exhaustion. She waited until her breathing had regulated itself before attempting to speak. "Goku, that was--"

"Do you feel better?" he asked, grinning.

"Yes." She surprised herself--and him--by laughing out loud. She felt liberated somehow, in that simple exercise--her blood coursed through her like lightning, and the sweat was welcomed moisture on her skin. "No wonder you all enjoy fighting so much," she said, enjoying even the fatigue gnawing at her muscles. "I never knew."

Goku helped her to her feet and patted her on the back. "I'm glad. Now let's go get something to eat--I'm starved!"

Koan nodded, following him back to the house that had become her home. She reveled in the fiery new spirit she felt in herself. _This joy, this feeling--surly this is what Father meant._ She smiled at Goku's back as he led the way, and at her son as he gawked at her sudden change. _Fighting, as is our nature. Loving--our deeper nature. A Saiyan is strongest when surrounded by its own, defending those he cherishes. Maybe_…_I can become the Saiyan my father wanted me to be._

"Koan, you look different," Chichi remarked as soon as she'd entered. "And you're all sweaty. Have you been fighting?"

"Just a bit," she admitted. "But I'm fine--I feel amazing. Can I help you prepare the food?"

"Oh, of course. Thank you." Chichi giggled at her friend's new-found enthusiasm. "My, you've certainly perked up. I don't know what you did, Goku, but I don't think I've ever seen her so happy."

Koan smiled, and mussed her son's hair affectionately. "You're right," she mused aloud. "Goku, Chichi, everyone--thank you. Now let's get some food made."

That night, after everyone had gone to bed, Koan crept outside to watch the stars. Though the mountain scenery was buzzing with the sounds of distant animals, she couldn't imagine a more peaceful setting. With her head tilted back she took in heaven's canopy. It was there that the peculiar feeling came over her again. In her newly discovered clarity she was able to recognize the emotion: loneliness. At first she didn't understand; she had her son, her friends, and a life she could be proud to enjoy. What more did she require?

The answer came to her swiftly in the memory of two dark eyes, deeper than the night's blanket above. Koan inhaled sharply. _Vegeta. Always Vegeta._ More than ever she was desperate to see him, so that she might share these new revelations with him. Whether or not he understood, she had to find a way to explain, to teach. She wanted to divulge his hidden secrets, to find the enigmas in his mysterious past and draw them out. And she wanted him to do the same for her.

Koan wrapped herself in her arms and closed her eyes. She said a prayer then, not to God or Buddha, but to the stars that watched her curiously from their perfect perch. _Someday, I'll make him understand. Please, let him understand what I feel now._

* * *

Several weeks passed after that day. Cumber, Gohan, and Goku spent as much time training as possible with the blue-haired boy's warning forever fresh in their minds. Koan often joined them; though she wouldn't be of any help against a major enemy, she enjoyed the outings and the exercise. Presently the two young boys were seated at the kitchen table, studying. Goku had long since given up trying to assist them, and was doing hand-stand push-ups in the corner, where Chichi wouldn't see him. Koan smiled. She never tired of the Son family's antics.

Cumber twirled his pencil around his fingers. "Hey Gohan," he said suddenly. "What do you think the androids will look like?"

"I don't know. Maybe…like robots?"

"I wouldn't worry about that now," Koan told them gently. "They won't be here for a while."

Chichi entered from the other room, and immediately Goku pulled an open book over so that he could pretend to read while he trained. "That's right," she said. "Right now all you have to concentrate on are you studies."

Cumber made a pouting face, and Gohan shrugged. They returned to their work.

Koan smiled at the two boys as they studied; but just then her senses were alerted by a flare of power, approaching from space. Goku must have felt it as well, as he quickly righted himself. The two exchanged a quick glance. "It's Vegeta," she said, recognizing the all too familiar spirit. "He's a bit weakened--he's probably out of food again."

Goku nodded, but he didn't relax just yet. Several times in the last seven months Vegeta had returned from his training journey to restock and heal. Though he'd never bothered the Sons or Koan and Cumber, Goku had long since learned to be wary when the Saiyan prince was concerned. He took a seat with the two boys and tried to appear interested.

Cumber had lifted his head at the mentioning of Vegeta, and was monitoring his progress now. "He's coming closer," he reported, drawing everyone's attention. "He usually doesn't come this close."

Koan licked her lips. He was coming closer--too close, as far as she was concerned. She surprised herself, though, in that she wasn't nervous. Usually the thought of confronting Vegeta filled her with dread, but now she was almost eager to see how much he'd improved--not only in his fighting. She wondered if so long being isolated had affected his stubborn pride, or if he'd crossed the Super-Saiyan barrier. Even if he hadn't, she wanted to see him again, for some mysterious reason.

The ship landed on a ridge not far from Goku's home--a proximity Vegeta had never dared. Koan moved to the window, but she couldn't see anything over the trees. She reached with her senses the way Goku had taught her, following the movements of Vegeta's spirit. _What is he up to? He's_…_powering up?_ "Goku…."

"I know." Goku was already at the door, his face serious. Chichi, Gohan, and Cumber watched from the table. They waited.

The explosion came a minute later, causing the boys' books to rattle as the shock wave spread. Koan shuddered as the ground shook beneath them. _He has improved. By a lot. But that's not the same._ She looked to Goku; he could tell._ That's not the power of a Super-Saiyan._

For several minutes the explosions continued at random intervals, rumbling the small mountain home and its occupants. Goku stood by the door, perfectly calm. When the blasts began to approach closer to the house, however, his expression hardened. Then he brightened abruptly. "Well, I'm gonna go check on him."

"Dad…." Gohan frowned with concern.

Chichi was just as worried. "Goku, you're not going to--"

"I don't want to fight," he added quickly. "But if he gets any closer, we'll have a problem."

"I'm going with you," Koan said. Her skin had begun to prickle with heat, leaving her strangely anxious.

Goku regarded her quizzically, and shrugged. "Sure. Just be careful, because he doesn't seem to be in a good mood." He opened the front door, letting in a sweepings breath of hot summer air. "Damn Vegeta, making me come out in this heat…." Together they took to the air.

They found Vegeta a mile away, standing atop a rocky outcropping, firing off shot after shot. The energy blasts were aimed at another ridge, which was too close to Goku's home for comfort. He didn't notice as they approached. When Goku touched down, however, the prince immediately stopped. Slowly, he lowered his hand and straightened his posture. Koan was keenly aware of the tension drawing his muscles taunt, and its cause.

"So, you're here," Vegeta stated calmly. He did not turn to face them. "Kakarot. What do you want?"

"You're blasting pretty close to my home," Goku replied in an almost friendly tone. "There are other uninhabited areas around here."

"Your home? Huh. I'll remember that."

Koan exchanged a look with Goku, praying he'd understand. He did. "When you're bored with training, you can come with us," he said. "We'll get you some food."

The prince didn't relax for a moment. "Alright. Fine. I'm through testing myself for now." He turned around at last, fixing the pair under his thick stare. Koan was momentarily taken aback. Vegeta had changed dramatically since the last time she'd seen him. It wasn't in his appearance--Goku didn't seem to notice--but something in way he carried himself. His skin was rough, and bloodless around his knuckles. The black eyes that were usually bright with determination had grown dull and strained. He was tired. In his every breath and movement she could feel it.

"Good. I'll lead the way," Goku offered. He took to the air, Vegeta following a moment later, Koan bringing up the rear.

To Next Chapter

Return


	11. When Strength Is Not Enough

****

Falling Short

Chapter 9: When Strength Is Not Enough

As soon as they reached the house Goku took his wife aside and whispered something in her ear. She made a displeased face and began to prepare the afternoon meal. Vegeta stood near the door with his arms crossed. He scanned the small household with great scrutiny, inspecting every inch of wood and furniture. His presence seemed to electrify the air. Gohan and Cumber lost their focus, and resorted to doodling in the margins of their paper. Koan seated herself at the table. When a minute had passed and the eerie silence still showed no signs of being disturbed, she turned to Goku. "So Goku, how long do you thin it'll be until the rain comes?"

Goku regarded her inquisitively for a moment, then casually replied, "I dunno. But I hope it doesn't get as bad as last year."

"But Dad, you weren't here last year," Gohan reminded him. "You were still gone."

"Oh, that's right. Well, the last time I remember, it rained all day for a week!"

The family began to chatter, and even Chichi joined in happily. Koan smiled. When she was sure that they were engrossed in their own topics, she turned her attention on the Saiyan. She indicated for him to sit beside her at the table. He snorted, as if insulted by the prospect, but complied.

__

He looks so tired. Koan did her best to look him over without appearing obtrusive. She could tell that he was wearing thin; his face was arranged in that same expression she'd seen on him almost two years ago at Capsule Corps, that night she'd gone to him. His mouth formed a stone-set frown, and his charcoal eyes saw nothing despite the intensity of that gaze. His ailment was far too obvious to her. "Not yet," was all she said.

Vegeta's expression didn't change as he repeated, "Not yet."

"What were you doing out there?"

"Testing my strength," he grunted back. He was even lacking most of his arrogant tone, leaving only resentment and frustration. "Earth's atmosphere sometimes affects my powers."

Koan nodded, even knowing it was a lie. He'd simply been venting his anger; she surprised herself in being able to read him so easily. "Do you intend to go back into space after today?" she asked carefully.

"That's none of your business."

__

I should have expected that response. After a pause she asked, "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Vegeta turned to stared at her. His eyes were neither condescending nor callous. "Why would I have anything to talk about?"

Koan swallowed hard, as his face was making her nervous. It was close--very close--to what she'd once been searching for, so much that it frightened her. He was staring at her as if expecting her to find it, a secret so deep that he himself could not acknowledge its existence. _Tell me_ his entire body seemed to speak to her desperately. _Tell me what you see, that I can't._

Koan turned away; she wasn't yet brave enough to face the raw sincerity in his visage.

* * *

Vegeta snorted as Koan turned away from his question. "I don't know," she replied after a moment. "I guess you wouldn't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

Chichi offered them their food: cooked rice and soup. Vegeta frowned at the typically unsatisfying Earth meal. He would have to eat tones of the damn stuff to regain his strength. He wasn't in a mood, however, to complain. He ate the meal and without a word demanded more. Chichi grudgingly complied--by now she was more than accustomed to providing for the Saiyan appetite.

Near the end of lunch Vegeta became aware of Cumber's lingering stare. Impatiently he asked, "Do you want something?"

Cumber started. "Well…Prince Vegeta…before you go, I was wondering…." He faltered for only a moment. "Could you test me?"

"I don't have time to waste on brats," he snorted.

"Hey." Kakarot's wife glared at him, soup ladle in hand. "You shouldn't talk to kids like that." Her husband tried to hush her silent, but she obviously considered herself offended. She overpowered him quickly. "I won't 'shush'. I don't care who he is--guests shouldn't treat their hosts like that. It's rude."

"But Chichi--"

"Nope, I won't stand for it. We're being more than polite, and--"

Vegeta couldn't help but chuckle. The sound of his voice sounded oddly subdued, even to him. It quickly obtained Koan's attention. "I didn't know life on Earth could soften a Super Saiyan," he remarked coldly. "It seems you're no longer even a match for your own mate."

"Mate?" Chichi echoed indignantly. "I happen to be his _wife_."

"Heh. There's no difference."

Gohan and Cumber ducked their heads, not wanting to be pulled into this argument. Koan, however, wouldn't let this comment pass. Her voice was crisp and serious as she asked, "In that case, what do you think a proper mate should be?"

Vegeta's lip turned up in a cocky grin. "Property."

* * *

Koan leapt to her feet. Her heart was gripped suddenly in anxiety. "Do you really think that?" she demanded, hiding her turbulent emotions behind the first mask she could form. _Because if you do, if you truly believe that, was I wrong? Was I wrong to believe_…_that you were better than Him?_ "Is that all we are to you? _Property_?"

"Of course." There was no doubt, no remorse in the prince's voice. "Do you really think you're worth anything alone?"

"What?" She clenched her teeth briefly, mostly to contain her shuddering. He was testing her--she could tell that. He wanted to see her break, as he believed a normal Saiyan should. She fought against the challenge in his eyes, struggling to remain in control of her anxiety even as her face was twisted in a look of pain. She searched for some topic she could use to break that arrogance. "So, to you Bulma is just--"

"A diversion." Vegeta's eyes sparked. "She's nothing more than a slut--I like that."

Chichi covered her son's ears, who had been watching the scene in stunned, bewildered silence. "How dare you talk like that with children present."

Koan tightened her fists. Her every instinct told her to flee, to escape this man who was cruel and insensitive. She couldn't. _He thinks I'm no better than his whore, like Kado did. But_…_I didn't live this long, and learn so much to be manipulated again. Not by him. He wants the same thing I do._ He was watching her very carefully, almost expectantly, drawing on the anger she'd only recently learned to accumulate.

__

He sees that I've changed; he thinks he can make me like him. I don't want to be that way! I have to show him the lie he's living, even if I have to break him to do it.

Koan started to speak, but before a word could come out a hand came down on her shoulder. It was Goku, his face serious but calm. Whether the gesture was one of comfort or restrain, she couldn't tell. She was more concerned with Vegeta's immediate reaction--he stood, facing the pair as if challenged. "Don't touch her," he snapped.

"Huh?" Goku obviously didn't know what he'd done wrong.

__

He practically calls me a slut, and still considers me his. I…_I don't want to belong to anyone--not even him!_ "Shut up," she said, hoping to establish that she was not his property. _Never again. Never._ "You don't own me, not anymore. I'm not afraid of you."

__

Are you talking to him, or Kado?

* * *

Vegeta's fingertips bore into his palms. He was still glaring at Kakarot, whose hand had not yet been removed. The thought of him touching her drove him mad, the same way he loathed the way she could relax so much in his presence. Koan was a Saiyan--had she regained her spirit and pride, only to have it leached away by these weak Earthlings? Kakarot stood as if intending to protect her, as if she were a member of his beloved family. He didn't want her to be one of them.

"I told you to let go." The prince snatched Koan by the wrist and dragged her forward, away from Kakarot. He didn't know why he was doing this; only that he had to, that he couldn't stop. He was already shaking.

Koan struck him. He hadn't expected that; the blow turned his head to the side. Though the pain was minimal, he was shocked by her sudden wrath. "I won't be used," her voice hissed. He could barely hear it; it felt so far away.

Vegeta faced her, too stunned to react to her attack. She was glaring at him, her eyes fierce and bright, and touched with defiance. She had accomplished something--a barrier had been crossed, awakening inside her the woman she was at one time meant to be.

__

She has surpassed you, too.

The sour taste of blood on Vegeta's lips stirred him from his brief trance. Koan had turned away from him, as if planning to return to Kakarot's side. Again the rage that was too potent to be jealously welled inside him. _How dare she_…_she's mocking me._ Unwillingly his power level began to rise, and he reached for her. He would prove to her that her searching had been a waste; there was nothing in him to find, no greater man hidden.

The Saiyan woman turned and batted his hand aside. Most of her anger had left: instead, she looked down on him calmly, as if she already knew his every thought and intention. He knew that gaze--the cold, all-knowing eyes that could crush him more effectively than any attack, the posture of disdain. Like Kakarot, and Freeza, and his father before them, she could control him without effort; she knew him better than he knew himself.

Vegeta struck. He wanted her to feel pain, to break her command over him. His fingers closed brutally on her tail. Her startled yelp caused his body to shake; he yanked, hard, and pulled her roughly against him. She nearly crumbled, numbed by the pain, but he held her up, holding her captured in one arm as she pounded her fists uselessly against him. Only once did he catch a glimpse of her tear-filled, desperate eyes. _There. Now she will understand me._

* * *

Koan released a sob. _No, not again._ She beat against her captor's chest, desperate to escape. _Please, not again. I thought I could trust him_….

Thankfully, Goku intervened on her behalf. The fingers were pried off her tail, and she broke away, still shaking. In the commotion Goku was able to force Vegeta onto his stomach against the floorboards. Chichi immediately supported Koan, guiding her to a chair at the table. She was only vaguely aware of the Saiyan prince's wild curses.

"Mom, are you okay?" Cumber took her hand, watching her with concern.

"Yes, Cumber." She wiped her eyes. Several deep breaths served to calm her somewhat, though her heart still pounded in her temples. _Oh God, oh God._ She pressed her hand to her chest. _Hush now, hush._ She looked down at the fallen prince, who continued to curse though he'd been effectively pinned. _I can't give up on him now, can I? Can I?_

Koan took a deep breath. She had to do this--for both of them. For herself, to know she'd done all she could, and for him, so that he'd see the reality. Even if he didn't understand until later, she had to place in him the beginning of truth she'd found.

"You still don't get it, do you?"

* * *

Vegeta slowly lifted his head, ready to defy her in any way possible. She would not allow him that much. "No matter how hard you train," she said slowly, calmly, "no matter how long, it won't do you any good. You'll never be a Super Saiyan."

"What?"

She condemned him with her eyes. "You'll never be good enough, Vegeta," she said in a low, portentous tone. "Not ever."

The silence was thick in the moments that followed. Vegeta could only stare. Her words burned deeply, binding his breath in trembling lungs. His eyes, made prisoners, could not blink. He felt numb. She had drawn forth his one true fear, displaying it to him as if it were one his organs she'd maliciously gouged from his body. Slowly, his head dropped and pressed against the hot wooden floor.

__

No. No, it can't be true.

"Get off of me," he whispered. When Kakarot didn't respond his volume rose to a bellow. "Get the hell off of me, you piece of shit! I'll kill you if you don't--I'll kill all of them!"

Kakarot relinquished his hold. Infuriated, the prince punched him directly in the face. Several cries accompanied the sound of him impacting against the far wall. "If you touch me again, I'll destroy this goddamned planet!" he screamed. "I don't need to be a Super Saiyan to do that--I never did! I'll kill everything!" He turned, and the front door was blown apart, not leaving even splinters.

* * *

__

No! If he leaves now, I might never--

Koan leapt to her feet, reaching for him, her arm straining. But her was already leaving, escaping like a freed beast. Unwillingly she called his name. "Vegeta--"

Her voice resounded in empty air.

__

Was…_I wrong?_ Koan dropped to her knees, ignoring her son's concern. _Vegeta, come back. There were so many things I had to tell you._

"Koan." She glanced up, and her gaze was met by Goku's grim smile. "Don't worry," he told her. "You'll get another chance." He turned his focus to where his door had once been. "He's got no where else to go."

Koan nodded, finally allowing them to help her to her feet. "There is one place," she said quietly. "Chichi, I'm sorry, but I'll have to leave the cleaning to you."

Chichi took her arm. "Koan, you're not--"

"No, not now." She nodded her head toward the window, where already the could see the first stages of Capsule III's lift off. "But there's an errand I have to run. I won't be long." She patted Cumber on the head in assurance. "Take care. I'll be back soon." She left the house, and quickly set out on the wind, towards Capsule Corps.

To Next Chapter

Return


	12. When Pride Is Not Enough

**Falling Short__**

Chapter 10:When Pride Is Not Enough

Bulma wiped the sweat from her brow, cursing at the stifling heat."I hate June," she muttered.She twisted the screwdriver in her hand until positive that it was snug."I hate broken air conditioners."She selected another screw and fit it into the appropriate slot.Thanks to a malfunction in her father's design, her lab had become a veritable oven."And I hate sweating."She sat back, wiping her face again."Ick.I feel gross."

"Bulma!"She heard someone calling from outside the lab."Are you here?"

"In the lab!" Bulma yelled back.She praised whoever this visitor was for offering her an excuse to take a break.She climbed to her feet, cracking joints."I've been at this for too long," she said, casting the machine a nasty look.

The door opened, and Koan stepped in, her breath thick with fatigue."Has Vegeta been here?" she asked briskly.  
  


Bulma frowned, slightly recoiling at the abrupt mentioning of his name."Why, no, not for a few weeks.Why?"

"Good.I was right."Koan sighed in relief.

"What's going on?"

The Saiyan woman entered the room further."He was just at Goku's house," she explained, holding her hand up in advance to halt any interruptions."Everyone's fine.We got into an argument, but nothing happened.Nothing serious, anyway."She hesitated for a moment."But I wanted to make sure he didn't come here."

"Come upstairs," Bulma offered."You can tell me all about it."

On the way to the kitchen they encountered Bulma's mother."Oh, hello there, Miss Koan.We haven't seen you in so long.Did you see the news report just now?"

"News?" Koan echoed."What news?"

"Just a little while ago someone attack a livestock farm outside the city.Stole all the poor animals and destroyed almost everything!But at least no one was hurt."

Bulma sighed in exasperation."Sounds like Vegeta, that stupid jerk.Thanks, Mom."She continued on to the kitchen, Koan following a moment later."Is that what you meant by 'nothing serious?'" she asked.

Koan's face echoed a feeling of distress."I didn't anticipate that," she murmured."I knew he'd be mad, but…if he'd killed anyone…."

"Don't worry about Vegeta; he's getting better about that."

Bulma made them both some coffee, and Koan explained everything that had taken place--objectively, and leaving out his comment about Bulma."I knew he'd go back into space after that," she finished."He'll try to prove me wrong.But sooner or later he'll break, and then he'll come here."

"Here?"The blue-haired woman frowned, a strange stirring in her gut."What makes you say that?"

"Because he's safe here; he trusts you."

"Me?" she sputtered."That's…that's ridiculous."Her temper kicked in."Besides, I'd just as soon slap him as look at him, after what he's put me through."

Koan smiled wisely._She sees right through you, Bulma thought to herself.__She knows what you're really feeling.You want him to trust you._

"In any case," Koan went on, "I know he'll come back eventually, and I need to talk to him.I need to be here when he comes back.As soon as he does, please contact me."

Bulma was stunned.She'd never heard the Saiyan woman speak so boldly, let alone ask to see Vegeta."Um, okay," she said at last."Sure, Koan.I'll be sure to do that."

"Thank you, Bulma."

Once Koan had left, Bulma returned to the workshop where the air conditioner was waiting.Her concentration failed her before she'd begun."Trust, huh?" she mused aloud.She sighed and shook her head."Yeah right."

_I want him to trust me._

Bulma rolled up her sleeves, forcing the thought out of her head."Right now, all I have to do is fix this damn thing.I don't care about Vegeta.To Hell with him--to Koan with him!Makes no difference to me."

But as she worked, another thought crept into her mind._If only I could convince myself of that…._

--

When Koan returned to Goku's home she was met by several questioning faces."No, I didn't go after him," she put the first issue to rest."He's gone, back to space.He'll probably stay up there for a while."

"Are you all right?" Cumber asked."Your tail…."

"It's fine," she quickly assured.They all sat around the table together, eager to hear what she had to say."It'll be sore, later, but I'm fine.Thank you all."She smiled to prove her well-being, even if it was a somewhat forced gesture.

"That was pretty scary," piped up Gohan."I was afraid he'd start a fight."He grinned."Not that Dad couldn't beat him."

Goku smiled at his son's confidence, but Koan could see some other emotion hidden behind his eyes.He clearly wasn't happy with the idea of fighting his rival again."Anyway, Koan," he started questioningly, "what were you talking about before?Vegeta not being able to become a Super Saiyan."

"Yeah," added Cumber."He's almost as strong as Goku, isn't he?"

"Almost.Actually, this is something I've been thinking about for a long time."Koan licked her lips, hoping that she would be able to accurately explain her theories. "Don't you think it's odd that the first Super Saiyan in over a thousand years is the son of a low class fighter?No offence, Goku, but your fighting power was rather low at one time, wasn't it?"

He scratched the back of his head."Yeah, I guess so.I wasn't even a match for Radditz."

"And still, imagine this: you went from that low level to being a match for Vegeta in only a year, right?It took Vegeta his entire lifetime to get that high, even considering the number of battles he's fought."

Cumber made a face."It's kinda sad when you put it that way."

Koan nodded vaguely."There seems to be one thing that separates Goku and Vegeta," she continued in a softer tone."This."She gestured to the room around them, and smiled a bit when they all looked, hoping to see something."This home," she explained."This family--this love you all take for granted.Every battle Goku fights is emotional--for his family, his friends.Saiyans don't think that way."  
  


Goku was watching her attentively now.Despite his usual inane exterior, there were times she could tell that he was taking things seriously."Radditz didn't seem to care what happened to me," he mused.

_Being betrayed by a brother wasn't common on Planet Vegeta, but no one would think twice about it.But for Goku…."He probably didn't.Saiyans aren't raised that way."_

"Barbaric," Chichi huffed.

"Maybe."She nodded thoughtfully."But I'm sure Goku's realized it by now--the true power behind a Saiyan's strength."

His eyes reflected that truth, one he was not proud of."Anger."

"Yes."

Gohan rested his chin on his hands."Like when Krillin….But Vegeta's mad a lot of the time."

"There's a difference."Koan recalled briefly the scene they'd recently witnessed, and others, as far back as her memory allowed.She remembered watching the Saiyan prince as he fought, as he cursed and tormented and killed.His dark eyes, no matter how possessed by fury, were always thick and impenetrable.He was hiding his fear, his doubts behind the rage and arrogance.But Goku didn't fight that way--when he loved he did so fully, and when overcome by anger he had nothing else.That was what made him the better.

"Koan?"

The woman started from her thoughts.Goku was watching her curiously."You okay?"

"Oh, yes.Sorry."She tried to recall where she'd left off._Vegeta's anger.God, if he knew we were discussing him this way…."Anyway, Saiyans usually don't feel strong, real emotions--love, hate, grief--because they don't have the opportunity.They don't have friends they care enough about to love, or to mourn, or avenge, and most enemies can be destroyed by a group of them.So really, most Saiyans aren't capable of real, uncontrolled anger.Just…arrogance and bloodlust."_

"Dad's never been like that," Gohan said brightly."Is that because he grew up on Earth?"

Koan smiled at him."Yes, I think so.And because of you."

"Me?"

"Of course.Because he loves you.Goku said it himself, to Ginyu: to mass huge amounts of power, you need to join spirit and body.Vegeta…hasn't learned that yet."

Chichi stood up from the table."It's a good thing, too," she said deftly."Someone that rude could cause chaos!"

"'With great power comes greater responsibility,'" Cumber quoted."Baiba taught me that."

"He's a good teacher, then."

"So…what about Vegeta?" asked Gohan."Did you tell him this?"

_He'd never believe me.But he must."No.But I will, when he's ready to hear it.Don't mention it to him," Koan added._

"Don't worry," he laughed."I wouldn't."

The discussion broke up then; the boys returned to their studies, and Chichi to the house work.Goku ventured outside, volunteering to get more firewood for the stove--after Vegeta's rampage, there was sure to be plenty of fallen trees.Koan excused herself to attend to the garden, hoping that in the simple task she would find some clarity of thought.After about half an hour, she found Goku standing behind her.She smiled at him pleasantly."Finished already?"

"Of course.No sweat."He calmly incinerated the pile of dead flowers and weeds she'd accumulated."Actually, I was thinking," he said, appraising her with his eyes."You're not like a normal Saiyan, either."

Koan stopped working for a moment."I was raised differently," she answered."My father was actually more like you, Goku.He believed in love."She sighed."Our race wasn't incapable of feeling--we just never found a need, I suppose.Or we were too afraid."

Goku puzzled over this for a moment and then, seemingly satisfied, chatted on more casual topics as he helped her work.Once again she was grateful for his discretion--she couldn't explain her past to him.It wouldn't do any good; most likely, it would only upset him.She didn't want anyone to treat her differently, now when she was finally truly learning to be strong.For now, she would have to depend on her internal strength.Later, she would be able to trust.

---

A month after Koan's visit Bulma was in the lab, working on another of her father's misguided attempts at "technology."Though the air conditioner had turned the room into an ice box, the frustration of her work was enough heated discomfort.She pushed and pried the levers to no avail."Damn piece of junk," she muttered, giving it a swift kick.

Bulma paused, suddenly aware of a presence nearby.Though she'd never been trained like her old friends, she had developed a keen sense for when someone was looking at her.But this feeling was familiar, and it caused her heart to skip a beat.Slowly, she turned.

Vegeta was standing in the door.She knew he'd be there, but the sight of him still caused her to jump.His suit was torn and bloodstained--he wasn't wearing the armor, as it was most likely cracked by the look of his condition.Dark circles hung beneath his dulled, weary eyes, and bruises colored his skin.

It wasn't the first time he'd returned to her this way, or worse.Again and again she'd seen him push the limits of his body.But this time something had changed; her brain imagined that he'd gone too far, and now she viewed only a ghost.

He didn't speak, and then he was gone.

--

When Koan reached Capsule Corps, Bulma was pacing in the kitchen."Something's wrong," she began immediately."I might not know him as well as you seem to, but I've never seen him like this.He's been in his room this entire time."

Koan nodded vaguely._I…__was right.He's lost his faith.She assured Bulma that everything would be fine, and started for his room.__If I can help him now, it might help him change for good.Maybe…__I can help him…__the way I never was._

Koan stopped at the door that led to Vegeta's room.She planned everything carefully; what she would say, how she would respond to him if he became angry.A full minute passed with her hand perched on the handle.When her doubts began to rise she took a deep breath and forced them back._I can't hesitate.I won't let him think me weak.She turned the handle and stepped inside._

The room was relatively unchanged since the last time she'd seen it, nearly two years ago.The lights were off, and her eyes adjusted to the non-furnished, empty setting quickly.Vegeta was seated on the edge of the bed.He didn't look up as she entered.He was silent, radiating a tangible aura of fatigue.Koan's blood felt as if it were solidifying; his shoulders were slumped, head down as he stared at his blood-stained hands.

_I did it. I broke him.Hesitantly she came forward, approaching the lifeless man.__But seeing him like this….Her throat constricted, her eyes ached--she wanted to cry for him.All her arguments slipped from her brain, leaving only the need to comfort, to support him._

Koan knelt down in front of him, slipping her hands into his.They were cold and strangely dormant; she would have expected him to shake, or withdraw, but he didn't--couldn't.She stared up into his eyes, and saw only herself reflected in them.The fear, the shame and even regret--like a mirror to her past, and the terrors she'd faced.She never imagined that, when reduced to only truth, the two of them were so similar.

Koan stood, gently easing closer.When she reached for him he finally animated, pushing at her hands feebly, trying to reject her affection.His strength was no enough to resist, and instead he turned his head away.She ignored the stubbornness he so desperately clung to.With one hand on his shoulder and another curling over the back of his neck, she pulled him to her, his head against her stomach.There she held him without scorn or pity.She would be his strength, just this once.

The prince didn't try to recoil again.His body relaxed, as if surrendering to the touch of death.He leaned against her, his arms slack and breath shuddering against the material of her dress.He admitted nothing through words, and she spoke nothing of his failure.Even so, for that moment he placed all his trust into her, and she accepted it all.

Some time later Koan eased back; very slowly, as she was reluctant to withdraw from this comfort herself.She knew better than to try and see his face.With painstaking care she urged Vegeta to lie down on his back.He obeyed without protest.By the time she'd pulled a single sheet over him he appeared to be barely conscious.A sigh emptied from her lips as she watched his descent into slumber.Seated beside him she gently probed over his body, listing the injuries she found in her mind._Broken rib, dislocated shoulder, pulled muscles, burns.She removed his boots, but when she attempted to take off his gloves as well the limbs flinched in pain.At last she resorted to ripping the fabric and peeling it off--they had long since lost their usefulness anyway.The hands beneath were skinned to the bone around his knuckles, and several joints were swollen--probably broken._

Koan stared at the man, unsure as to whether she should be awed, terrified, or revolted by his unending dedication.She left then, to return minutes later with Bulma and a first aid kit.Together they managed to clean, bandage, and set his injuries.Bulma left soon afterwards.Her Saiyan friend stayed a while longer. She slipped her hand gingerly into his once more, and if only a bit, she felt his fingers curl.

Koan sighed and began to leave.She'd not gone far when something tugged her arm; she glanced down, surprised to see Vegeta watching her.His eyes, muddied with weariness and strain, spoke to her where his voice could not._Stay._

"Vegeta…."She licked her lips, a tremble in her heart when she looked upon his pain--pain she was the cause of.

_Stay.His gaze, lifeless and still, did not change.Koan surrendered.Being wary of his freshly tended wounds she seated herself on the bed.His clumsy, gauze-covered hands indicated for her to lie with him.She diffidently complied, settling into a position that wouldn't harm him.Instead he pulled her closer, until their bodies touched.At first the proximity made her nervous; the damp heat of his skin, the smell of his sweat, raised images too familiar in her._

Gradually, she began to relax.With her head against his chest she could hear his heartbeat; she focused on that steady, flawless rhythm to keep her thoughts from wandering.She even began to enjoy the sensation of his holding her.Whether his actions were tender or weak, she couldn't tell, but didn't care.Soon she had joined him in sleep, and they rested that way through the night.

To Next Chapter

Return


	13. When Love Is Not Enough

**Falling Short**

Chapter 11:When Love Is Not Enough

Vegeta awoke gradually, unwillingly, into a body he at first didn't believe was his.Everything ached.His arms and legs, his chest, back, shoulders, hands, head--thunder rippled through his skull, making his sight blurred and dark.Even blinking caused him to wince.He imagined briefly that if his condition was anything less than fatal, it would be a profound disappointment.He didn't have even the strength to curse his weakness.More than anything he longed to return to the void of dark, where even this agony, nor the knowledge of his failure, could reach him.

Something stirred, not within but beside him.He became vaguely aware of the dull, soft pressure against his chest, and another, lighter touch on his stomach.His eyes opened a little wider; he remembered.Though his recollections were misted at best, the memory of her arms, her care, lingered, impressed upon his flesh.She had comforted and nursed him, and he had allowed her to do so.And she'd stayed.

Vegeta couldn't move enough to see the woman that slept against him, but he knew it was her.Her touch and smell would never be erased from his brain--they had always been with him, long before now.

_Damn you, Koan.I swore I'd never let you see me like this again.Vegeta sighed in disgust, and was caught by a fit of coughing.There was a bitter taste in his throat.__Shit.I'll be stuck here for days…__not that it matters.Not anymore._

Vegeta had been in space somewhere around Neptune when it happened.He'd done nothing but train for nearly a week, forsaking food and sleep.He hadn't been able to feel the pain.And then, in an instant more clear than any other, he realized: he'd reached his limit.His power level hadn't increased for some time--since before his argument with Koan.She was right.

_"You'll never be good enough, Vegeta."_

Somehow, she knew.Koan, who had never fought a real battle in her life, never looked through a scouter, could in once glance pronounce his fate.It was maddening to consider the possibility--power was, and would always be, everything.Without it, beings were no better than pieces of property to be trampled and owned.It was the destiny he'd struggled against all his life, enduring torture and humiliation beyond comprehension, only to have her steal it all away with a word.

_Never._

The prince hated her for that.He hated her calm, penetrating eyes, her hypocrisy, and the delicacy that always drove him to want her.Her sensitivity annoyed him, drove him mad with frustration over her frailty, while at the same time trapping him.He thirsted for her pride and spirit, and was tempted to continue doing so by the rare moments when she defied him.Had he the strength he would have woken her, demanded an explanation of the strange way she behaved toward him.The same eyes that sought to break him also consoled and soothed his injuries.Why?Why did she pursue him so fervently, only to retreat from his every advance?What did she hope to attain?

What did she see in him anyway?

Vegeta's thoughts were disturbed when he detected a faint trace of movement nearby.He cocked his head, craning to see.A length of soft black hair changed its position over Koan's thigh.He hated that tail.He hated the way it moved, twitched, swayed, bounced, and curled, alerting his attention like a moth to a flame.Its twisting motion captivated him.He would have taken it were it within his reach, if only to stop its control over him.But that, too, would be a surrender.Touching her only verified her control over him; the thought closed his eyes, as if an entity of its own, shutting out the sight of her dark fur.

_Damnit, what's happening to me?__I should have known staying on Earth would make me weak.He cursed this blue planet, cursed Kakarot and his family, cursed Bulma and Koan and especially himself.He hated them all, hated everything that stood in the way of his destiny.These were his last thoughts before falling unconscious once more._

--

Vegeta slept continuously for five days.After the first three Bulma insisted that a doctor be called to check his condition.Koan reluctantly agreed, and stood by anxiously as the Saiyan prince was examined.It wasn't his state of health that concerned her, however; she prayed that he wouldn't wake and find the aging doctor prodding at him.Fortunately, he did not stir.The doctor completed his scan, assured the two women that time would heal his injuries, and departed. 

On the fourth day Koan spoke with her son over the phone."I'm sorry, Cumber.I miss you, too.But…I can't leave yet.Not until I know he'll be all right."

On the sixth day, Bulma and Koan were eating lunch when they heard footsteps coming down the hall.Bulma immediately stood up and looked to the door, and Koan sighed in relief.As expected, Vegeta entered a moment later.He straightened a bit, made wary by their eager faces.He crossed slowly to the table beneath their stares."What?"

"What?" Bulma echoed incredulously.She put her hands on her hips, towering over him as he took his seat."We've been taking care of your sorry ass for a _week, and that's all you have to say?"_

"Isn't there any food?"

Koan smiled to herself as she quickly began to prepare the extra food they'd purchased for this occasion.She enjoyed listening to them argue; she'd been worried that Vegeta would recover but grow distant, and bitter.But soon enough he appeared to be himself again, poking fun at Bulma's hair and clothing.He smiled, in his condescending way.Even if Koan could see the remaining uncertainty beneath his eyes, it was good to see he'd improved.

Vegeta made quick work of the meal she prepared, deflecting Bulma's quips all along.When finally he'd finished, a pause settled in the kitchen."Well, in any case," Bulma said, "you should probably take it easy for while--your hands, especially.

He grinned at her wickedly."My hands'll go wherever they like," he retorted.

"Pig!This is the last time I let you sleep under the my roof!"

"Oh?Then I guess I'll be pulling your bed out under the stars tonight."

"Why, you…."

"Calm down, both of you," Koan intervened."Vegeta, if you're finished, I'd like to check your injuries."

The prince raised an eyebrow."Alright."He pushed back from the table and stood."Whenever you're ready."

Bulma glanced at each of them, frowning at Koan' sudden ease in his presence."I've got work to do," she said, taking the dishes to the sink."Don't worry about the cleaning--Mom always takes care of it.I'm going down to the lab."

Koan nodded."Sure.Take care."

Bulma left, leaving the Saiyan pair alone.The prince looked to his would-be examiner."Well?"

Koan approached, each movement controlled.She watched him very carefully."It doesn't hurt anywhere especially, does it?"She poked at his ribs with her fingertips, gingerly scanning his flesh the way she'd learned years ago.

"No."She caught his left eyebrow twitching as she probed an area of tender muscle."It's been a week."

"A short time, even for you."When she was satisfied that he was well enough, she stepped back."How do you feel?"

--

Vegeta stretched, curled and uncurled his fingers, and hmphed appreciatively."Not bad.If only I had some of that strange drug Kakarot keeps around."He glanced at her, and was a bit startled to see her tail, snaking gently back and forth behind her.Though they were standing close together, she seemed to be at ease.That mysteriously pleased him."You've changed," he remarked.

Koan straightened her posture."You…could tell?"

He crossed his arms.Deep inside, he was thankful that she had yet to mention the events a week ago, and hoped that he could continue this topic without her bringing it up."You've calmed down.What happened?"

She was watching him, gauging his expression for his intentions."I've been living a calm life.But, I have to admit, it probably has something to do with my training."

"Training?"Vegeta was consumed suddenly by an overwhelming eagerness.For a moment he forgot all his own failure, and his body's weariness; he wanted to fight her.He wanted to see her in motion, her tone limbs moving and striking.He wanted to see the fire in her eyes--that pride, that spirit only her anger had been able to unlock.Unwillingly his mind spun backwards, recalling the image of her as a child as she glared at him with fiery, vibrant defiance.He wanted to see that look again.

"Spar with me."The words escaped before he'd had the time to think them, betraying the secret of his excitement."Right now--just for a while, at least."

Koan took a step back, and her tail hung rigidly behind her."Spar?" she echoed, trying to hide her sudden caution."With you?But--"

Vegeta stepped forward, and was encouraged when she did not retreat."I won't hurt you--I promise.But I want to see you fight."

She didn't look convinced."Are you sure you're not just testing me?"

"Maybe," the prince admitted."But I know you want to."The sudden flash in her eyes confirmed his suspicion; she was just as anxious to test her skills as he was.

Koan fidgeted, indecisive, even as her tail began to twitch in anticipation."All right," she said, her voice barely above a whisper."Where?"

"Outside the city, where Cumber and Kakarot's son used to train."

"All right."She gulped. "Just let me get changed.I'll meet you there."

"Good."With a deep breath Vegeta stepped back, putting some distance between them."I'll be waiting."Rather than waste time standing there awkwardly, he turned and swiftly left.

---

Koan finally released her breath as the prince exited.She placed her hand firmly over her chest; her heart was pounding._Fight…__Vegeta?But how can I?She shuddered at the thought, struggling between excitement and apprehension.This was an opportunity; after training with Goku for so long, she'd become clearly aware of the power of a Super Saiyan.This was her chance to see how close Vegeta had come, and if her theories were correct._

But she wasn't thinking of that now.She was thinking of him, his dark eyes and wide, callused hands.Hurriedly she ran to the room Bulma had reserved for her.

_I don't even know why I brought this.Koan changed into her old violet jumpsuit, from Namek.__Did I know this would happen?Oh God, what am I doing?She tightened her boots and started to leave.__Please…__whoever can hear me…__don't make me regret this._

--

Vegeta paced back and forth among the dusty, broken stones.He'd been to this place many times; the scars of his wrath were jagged proof of this.He had changed in a fury, into a pair of sweat pants and white muscle-shirt--his suit had been torn beyond repair.Now he waited, his mind in a whirl, trying to plan.

_I can't possibly fight at full strength against her--even if I intended to, I haven't recovered significantly yet.Half strength at best.No--not even a fourth.He scowled at his own pathetic healing abilities.__But how strong will she be?The daughter of an Elite, trained by Nameks and possibly Kakarot as well.He realized then that he had no idea what the last Saiyan woman was capable of.The obscurity of her skill only increased his curiosity in seeing it._

At last he detected her spirit approaching from the north.He folded his arms, trying to appear calm despite his restlessness.She landed a minute later, dressed in her simple garb from Namek.The constricting fabric was, for a moment, distracting.He shook himself."Ready?"

"I'm ready."Koan moved slowly into a readied position, and the prince did likewise.Her tail slithered around her waist.She waited, practically glowing with anxious tension.

A full minute passed in painfully suspended silence.At last Vegeta attacked.He held back considerably, hating himself all along, aiming a punch to her midsection.Koan blocked the first, and surprised him by immediately countering with an attempted kick.It was then his turn to block; they continued in this fashion for several exchanged rounds, battling back and forth as if performing a practiced ritual.Experimentally Vegeta quickened his attacks, and was pleased when she was able to keep up.

_My God, she's magnificent._

Koan's body moved with perfect, formless grace through the complicated strikes and maneuvers.She blended her attacks and defense into a series of motion, effortless switching tactics when one didn't appear effective.Her eyes never left his.They were bright and fierce, like glittering obsidian, and more alive than any he'd seen.They overflowed with a passion so great that he felt as if he were being infected by it.Silently she dared him to fight harder, faster, and his limbs complied thoughtlessly.

Vegeta reached the limit of his already weary and half-healed body.He could tell that his movements weren't improving, even as he longed to continue their race.But Koan did not increase her power further--she too had reached her barrier, and was content to further their battle on this level playing field.Strike for strike they met, their bodies moving in a common rhythm as if their blood flowed from one into the other in an unbroken chain.

And something had changed.Vegeta was strangely not angered or ashamed at his inability to best this woman.Wining had always been his objective--even in coming here, some part of him had hoped to strike her down and prove his worth to her.But now, not even that mattered.He was even vaguely aware of a grin, spreading across his face.Koan's eyes were wide and vivacious, lips parted as she gasped for the breath she required.And she laughed.He'd never heard the sound before, and he laughed back, for no reason at all.They were both laughing, like a pair of children playfully mocking each other's efforts.They were playing a game of no rules.Neither understood what had come over them at that moment, sharing wicked grins and wordless taunts.But in that instant, those precious seconds, it was if they had reached something within them.

As strangely and abruptly as it had begun, the battle ended.They stopped, locked in arms, panting in exhaustion.An invisible signal told both that the fight was over--they were too tired to continue.Slowly, they untwined from each other and dropped to their rears in the dust.

Vegeta wiped the sweat from his face, laughing sharply.He felt strangely liberated, as if nothing in his life had ever mattered until now and never would.He gazed across the few feet of open space between him and the Saiyan woman and grinned--grinned openly, foolishly, and carelessly.She was truly magnificent, in every regard. He could see in her now the fiery will he remembered--not in arrogant pride, but in appreciation of him and herself.

"Not bad."It was all he could say, could let himself say.

"You too."Koan was gradually returning her breath to a reasonable pace.She spoke no more, as any words shared on the experience would only degrade its meaning.To acknowledge it, even, would seem as sacrilege.So she merely smiled, her tail waving as all the proof of her mood he needed.

--

Koan was only barely aware of the movement of her tail.She climbed to her feet with gradual care, as if moving slowly enough could halt and trap this moment.She didn't want to speak, least it shatter.Even breathing was dangerous, so she stood very still, waiting as the prince stood as well.He was still smiling, not devoid of arrogance but without bitterness.He had enjoyed himself.The thought of bringing him that kind of joy caused her heart to quake.This was what she'd been hoping to give him: for once, a moment of peace, without competition or hatred or power levels.A circumstance where both of them could simply be the people they were meant to be.

Vegeta approached, and she held her breath, not knowing what to expect."Let's go back," he suggested, appraising her with his eyes."There's…something I want to ask you."

"Ask me?"She surprised herself by not feeling wary.She merely nodded, and they took to the air--slowly, as they were both still exhausted.

Vegeta led the way to his room.Koan followed, strengthened by the experience they'd shared so recently.She'd spent the last week--the last several weeks--preparing for this moment.And if she could handle this well, she could change the prince forever.

"Sit."He indicated the bed, and she did so obediently.He'd become suddenly serious, with a gaze that was focused and calm."There's something I want to know."

Koan nodded.She already knew what he was going to ask--about the Super Saiyans.She was prepared to answer.

"Tell me what happened to you."

Her heart skipped a beat."What do you mean?"

Vegeta crossed his arms, though the stance was not aggressive or condescending.It was almost patient."You.What just happened…."He shook his head."Whatever that was, that was you."

"Me," she echoed, fidgeting.

He sat down beside her, and she shifted.This wasn't what she'd expected or planned for."You.You're different now.What you were before…like a mask."He reached out, his fingertips sliding along her jaw.She flinched. 

"That," he murmured, as if she'd just proven his point. "You're afraid of this.Me touching you."

_He could never understand.Koan urged his hand away from her."Vegeta, this isn't about me."_

"It is," he insisted.His voice rumbled deeply within his chest as he spoke, spilled over her skin."Because I have nothing left except this.Wanting you."

"Stop."She placed her hands on his chest, not to push him back, just to keep some distance between them.Her heart was pounding fiercely in her ears."You don't understand."

"Tell me."The prince did not take his eyes from her for an instant."You were raised by a Kalbassian--what did he do to you?"

_"I'll do whatever I want to you.You're mine."_

Koan closed her eyes, fearful of seeing the terrible visions that plagued her so insistently.But with her lids shut the darkness only gave her imagination more freedom.She opened them once more, hesitantly."He…Kado…he was my master."She was relieved as Vegeta leaned back, allowing her room to breathe and think.She confined her trembling hands to her lap, and watched them writhe against each other."Ever since I was a child, he…he used me.In very way possible."She could not face him out of shame."He beat me, raped me--over and over, until I was nearly dead.And I…."

She choked on the words."I couldn't do anything.In the beginning I fought back, but he only…I wasn't strong enough to stop him."A quiet, self-mocking chuckle escaped her lips."But I must admit, his 'training' made me strong, even if I could never use that power.

"I know what you're thinking."Koan sighed, and closed her eyes briefly."A fool.I probably could have killed her by the time I was ten.But when I thought of fighting back…all I had to do was look at myself." She lifted her hands, remembering the ancient scars her skin did not."This body.It belonged to him.And now, to you."

Vegeta's slow intake of breath was clear proof of his mild confusion.Koan faced him, though she quivered into doing so.He was staring at her with expressionless attention."I…couldn't stand the thought of that, so I ran away.But it won't change anything."Her fingers curled."You're all that really matters now.I want to be yours."

--

There was silence between the pair for a long time.Vegeta stared--he could do nothing else.By now his brain was spinning in so many circles that it seemed a completely useless organ by now.Rather than bother with thought he did only what he desired: he pulled Koan to him, ignoring her surprised gasp.He held her against him firmly, protectively.Her body shivered; his muscles tightened in anger at the thought of anyone else touching it.To imagine another man's hands on her, twisting on dominating her perfect flesh, was too much for him to bare.He would have killed the undeserving fool in an instant had he known where to look for him.

"You don't have to be afraid," he murmured tightly."I'll never let another man touch you."

The Saiyan woman sighed."Vegeta…."

"Quiet now."Vegeta eased her back just enough to kiss her mouth.She recoiled, as his actions merely gave fuel to her memories.He did not pursue her this time.Though he admitted to himself that he didn't really understand her pain, "fear" was an emotion he knew well.Helplessness, humiliation, desperation--at the hands of Freeza he'd suffered them all, bound by destiny to a despicable way of life.In the beginning he'd fought only to increase his power, as if his success were an act of rebellion against his immortal masterThe passage of time had taught him truth: to even fight was to surrender to Freeza's wishes.And so he continued to fight, because he had nothing else, hiding from himself the truth.

He would never be good enough.

The prince had lost even that, now.She'd taught him something terrible; his fight was meaningless.Which left only her.Her spirit, her courage--it was hidden now, but he knew of its existence._I'll find it.Staring into her eyes, he could see the faint traces of light--of life, hoping to be set free.__I wonder if that's what she always saw in me, he thought, stroking her cheek.__I want to see it.I want her to see it.Maybe then…._

Vegeta laid down on his back, swinging his legs onto the bed.Koan watched him, wary, as if expected him to do some violent act.He closed his eyes.Silently, he waited.

--

Koan stared at the prince in bewilderment._He…__didn't take me.He looked calm, and patient.__Is this a test, or a symbol of trust?_

The Saiyan woman reached out, gingerly sliding her fingertips along Vegeta's cheek and jaw.He inhaled slowly but did not stir.Encouraged, she repeated her caress with the other hand.She liked the feel of his skin--rough and warm.She traced his hair line, his eyelids and lips, enjoying this opportunity for such simple touches.

When her courage increased she let her hands glide lower, down his neck and chest.There Koan paused.She could feel his muscles drawn tight beneath her fingers, and when she looked at his hands found them to be fists._He's restraining himself._

_"You're afraid of this.Me touching you."_

_ _

_"…__wanting you…__"_

Koan pulled back, her mouth opening without sound.Her heart began to flutter within her ribs._For me, he's…._

Vegeta's eyes gradually opened, and gazed up at her.They spoke to her, clearly, truthfully.They told her of his desire, a need so great that it ached, and the strength that managed to keep it repressed.For her sake, he would not harm or force her.Even if it was frustrating and painful, he would not accept the position of ownership over her.

For the first time in her life, Koan kissed a man of her own desire.He returned it tenderly as best he could, and she nearly cried, her lips trembling against his.

--

The prince of the Saiyan's had never exerted more self control in his life.Though he wanted nothing more than to take her fiercely, passionately, in the only way he knew how, that would prove nothing.For this one night he would fulfill her needs.

He softened his hands on her shoulders, and his mouth on her lips.He loosened his arms even as she pulled tightly against him.He calmed his pulse, remaining still as she undressed him and herself.The strain of resistance had exhausted him long before the bedsheets swallowed them.And yet, still he could not help but admit that their love was the most oddly satisfying experience he'd ever had.

To Next Chapter (possibly the conclusion….?)

Return


	14. When What We Are Is Not Enough

**Falling Short**

Chapter 12:When What We Are Is Not Enough

Koan dreamt that night.She would not remember the visions later, as they were the random, vague drifting of a peacefully slumbering mind.But in the span of those short hours the experiences were as real as the man she slept beside.She was sitting on a hill, the grass coarse against her thighs and the sun warm on her skin.Her gaze wandered, taking in the colorful scenery.Low in the western sky hung a pale yellow globe--her home world, barely visible against the sun.

Surrounding her were dozens of small, delicate flowers.Their tiny black petals would not bend with the gentle breeze that whispered over the hills.Koan laid down among them, breathing in their dry, bittersweet aroma.She closed her eyes, forgetting the faded orb, the wind and the sun.There was only the flowers, smothering her in their scent and murmurs.

She awoke before the Saiyan prince, and for that was thankful.His expression was an odd arrangement of muscles on his face: without strain, but not quite calm, as if his mind were lost in a confusing dream.The thought made her smile dimly._Perhaps he's trying to understand what happened to us this night, she pondered idly, laying her head once again on his chest.Her fingertips absently traced the lines in his skin.__It was so perfect.Can…__can't we stay like this forever?Just like this, so simply._

Koan sighed, wriggling closer to his body.Unlike the terrible fear of her memories she felt safe here, belonging to him.She knew that she had accomplished something great; she had proven to him a pleasure beyond fighting, where two souls could be equal without competition or anger.She hoped desperately that it had strengthened him as much as it had her.

--

Vegeta's gaze didn't move from its place on the ceiling.He lay very still, barely aware of her gentle caress.For now he would let her believe that he still slept, when in reality he'd lain awake for several of the past hours.He'd been thinking.The same thoughts, tumbling over and over, chaotic and without reason.He moved his fingertips back and forth slowly over Koan's naked back, hoping the touch would keep his mind focused to some degree.He needed that now.

He'd known Koan now for at least two years.That day on Namek seemed further away now than the day of his birth; it was as if he had always known her, as a part of himself.She lay not beside but within him, more deeply now that he had given her so much.He had granted her himself--one night without pride or expectations.In those moments he had cared only for her--had she asked for anything, he would have granted it.And though he had reveled in that strange pleasure, the prince felt as if it were an act of surrender.

Helpless.Vegeta had been helpless, bound by the gleam hidden in her eyes that demanded his help; her spirit was a fire in need of tending and shelter.And he had risen to do so, forsaking all he'd once believed himself to be: cruel, impenetrable, uncaring.He'd dared too close; he was being consumed.

_But…__is it so wrong?To want to be burned…._

Koan resettled against him, breathing a sigh across his chest.Her tail flicked and came to rest over the back of his palm.Without thinking Vegeta turned his hand, gently stroking the soft fur with his fingertips.Her tail swayed, encouraging the touch as she moaned softly.She rose to plant a kiss on his lips--sensually, invitingly--and he responded in kind, sliding his hand up her tail to her lower back.She shivered as he pressed their bodies closer, and whimpered his name when pressed his mouth to the tender flesh of her throat.

Vegeta rolled her beneath him, pinning her arms down as he demanded another, fiercer kiss.She squirmed in protest and he unwillingly released her wrists.She wrapped her arms then around his neck where he could not attempt to trap her again.He exhaled sharply."You're so frustrating," he breathed hoarsely.

Koan stared up at him, her black eyes wide with a kind of awe.They made his insides churn.He knew then that he would not take her as his body so desperately desired. He would do anything to feed the pleasure in her eyes, to feel her body tremble without agony.With one flick of her tail, one innocent gaze, she had consumed him completely.He made love to her with a passion that was tender in its fury, both reserved and desperate.At some point he even reversed their positions to grant her that satisfaction.And though both were weary and sore from their battles previous, neither would release the other until all their strength was gone.They had experienced each other so deeply that it frightened them.

Koan released her breath heavily in exhaustion as she settled into a comfortable position at his side once more.He remained still in an attempt to regain some strength.

_Nothing else matters.This, more than anything._

Vegeta grimaced, trying to quell his turbulent thoughts.He wanted to stay here, with her, as long as he could, even if it hurt.Because in this place there was no need for battles or power levels. He felt no anger or fear.He didn't need to be a Super Saiyan.

_What's happened to me?_

The prince urged Koan off of him and sat up.He rubbed his eyes wearily--the sun had long since set, and it took his sight some time to adjust perfectly.His bedmate rested patiently in the silence._What's happened to me? he demanded of himself again, swinging his legs over the bed edge.__To become a Super Saiyan…__it's always been my desire.Nothing--no one--ever mattered more.He could hear Koan's slow, deep breathing behind him.__But for a moment, she made me forget that.She changed me._

_ _

_Can__I allow that?_

--

Koan watched Vegeta's turned back; slowly, she felt the atmosphere change.He was abnormally silent._He's thinking.Since she'd given up trying to anticipate his mind's working, she simply waited, trusting him._

Without a word Vegeta reached for his discarded clothing and began to dress._Damn.Koan shook her head slowly, her eyes closed, trying to keep her disappointment carefully hidden.__I guess…__it wasn't the same for him?She raised her gaze to his back as he pulled the sweatpants to his waist and then retrieved his shirt.His movements were slow, and very methodical.__Something's wrong.He's upset.No--angry?She bit her lip; perhaps he'd finally come to the question she'd anticipated originally.__That must be it.He's realized what's happening to him._

"Koan."He stood up from the bed and took several steps away.He crossed his arms."We have to talk."

_I knew it.Koan reclaimed her own clothing and began to dress as well."I'll be ready in just a moment."_

Vegeta lifted his chin just a bit, but didn't speak as she changed into her jumpsuit once more.When finished she sat on the bed edge and placed her hands deliberately in her lap."All right," she said quietly, hoping that he wouldn't find her tone condescending, "what do you want to know?"

He was very still, as if sensing that she'd already prepared for this conversation.The thought of being calculated must have disturbed and annoyed him, but there was no helping that now."About me," he stated, a bit more roughly than before."About what you said at Kakarot's place."

_"No matter how hard you train, no matter how long, it won't do you any good.You'll never be a Super Saiyan."Koan nodded, recalling the exchange clearly."At that time, it was true."_

"At that time?" he repeated sharply.

_Don't let him get to you.After what they'd shared, she wasn't sure if she could go through with what she'd planned.__He doesn't realize how much that meant to me, she told herself.__No man has ever treated me better than a slave, but he showed me tenderness--in his own way.If I'm going to face him, it will have to be as an equal.She frowned.__But can I do that?I don't want to fight with him anymore.I'm so tired of fighting with him this way.Why won't he understand?_

Koan took a deep breath, forcing herself into the realization that she'd already chosen this path._Maybe we don't have to fight.If he'd just listen, I could explain."Vegeta, I know I'm not a high class fighter," she began slowly."I'm not anywhere near being a Super Saiyan, so I have little right in saying what I want to say."He didn't protest, so she continued with a bit of more confidence."But I have been with Kakarot for some time, so I know a bit about a Super Saiyan.I witnessed him fighting on Namek, and I've spared with him."_

Vegeta's stance straightened a bit, and she berated herself for speaking foolishly, even if his reaction angered her._I should have remembered how jealous he can be."I think I know where a Super Saiyan's power comes from, and why you haven't reached that yet."_

"Go on."

_At least he's listening.Koan nodded vaguely and did as he'd said."It's emotion, Vegeta," she declared."Strong emotion gives Kakarot his strength.It's not enough to be angry.There has to be something behind it."_

Finally, he turned to face her.His eyes were narrowed and cross."That's bull shit," he snapped."You can't gain power just because you want it."

"Yes, you can--" she started to stay, but he cut her off.

"Bull shit," he repeated."You don't have any idea what it's like--that bastard Kakarot became a Super Saiyan without even knowing what it was.I've wanted this all my life."His voice rose. "Are you telling me that I didn't want it enough?That I haven't waited long enough?"

"It's not just about power levels."Koan resisted the temptation to stand; she was taller than him if only by a bit, and it would only incite him further."But it's not about wanting, either.It's about feeling, and needing.Goku became a Super Saiyan when his best friend was killed--killed by his enemy.His anger gave him the strength to beat Freeza."

Vegeta scowled."That's ridiculous."

"I saw it."All along she kept her tone level and clear, hoping to calm him as well."And I've seen you do it, too.When you're angry, your power level rises.Isn't that right?"

The prince grudgingly agreed."That's right."

"It's the same concept."Koan paused to take a breath and compose her thoughts."You've been fighting, thinking that it's your skill that needs to be improved, but it's your heart."

"I can't believe I'm listening--"

"But you are," she insisted, earning a glare from him."Think, Vegeta.You were the strongest member of your race, and you kept getting stronger.How was your lifestyle any different than any other Saiyan?"

Vegeta's glare intensified, to a frightening degree._You know very well how it was different, it seemed to say.She genuinely regretted having to accuse him this way, but it was the truth they both knew; she simply had to expose it."That's right," she said, clearly anticipating his thoughts."It was Freeza.You've had strong emotions all your life, fighting for Freeza: hatred, anger, despair--"_

"Shut up," the Saiyan growled, uncrossing his arms."You don't--"

"--helplessness.And Goku's the same," she continued without hesitation."He's lived with every emotion a person has--not only hate, but friendship and love.That's the source of his power."

"It has made him weak!"Vegeta threw his arms up in exasperation."It's cost him his damned _friends and his pathetic __life several times!He died fighting that weakling Radditz because of that soft heart you think is so great. He could have gotten himself killed again on Namek!"_

Despite her earlier intentions, Koan found herself on her feet, her voice climbing in defiance."Staying alive isn't the only thing that's important!Goku is strong because he doesn't give a thought to that--whether or not he'll die.His friends, his world means more.Don't you understand--he has no limitations!"

Vegeta glared at her, clearly attempting to rally a retort against her.When nothing came to mind, he resorted to muttering curses under his breath."So what are you saying?" he asked at last."That I have to be like him?That the only way to become a Super Saiyan is to degrade myself like he has?"

She sighed in exasperation."Why must you always think of it that way?What about what just happened, between us?You must have felt it."_Gods, please, he must have felt what I did."Is it so bad, wanting to belong somewhere?Saiyans were bred weak because they were taught not to believe in a home or in friends, or even in themselves."_

"Now you're speaking nonsense."The prince snorted, and crossed his arms once more."The Saiyans were the strongest race of warriors in the universe.And you're saying we're weak?"

"I'm not proud of our race.You say they were the strongest, but they obviously were acting far beneath their potential."_At least he's calmed down.Koan wasn't sure what she would do if he lost his temper completely. "In any case," she went on, "you're close--closer than you think.I'm certain that being a Super Saiyan is dependent on two factors: your strength, and your will.It's the latter that you're lacking."_

Vegeta turned his back on her.She couldn't tell if it was an act of anger or retreat, but she didn't continue, allowing him space to think over what she'd said.After a minute of tense silence he said, "What about you?You talk as if you have this _will.Why aren't you a Super Saiyan?"_

"I'm not powerful enough.If I had the same training you and Goku did, it's possible that I would be one."

The words were a mistake, even as she said them, and she knew it.As soon as she'd finished he'd whipped around, his eyes dangerously sharp."Are you're saying you're stronger than me?" he demanded.

"No--aren't you listening?I don't want to be a Super Saiyan!"And suddenly her lips were moving too fast, spilling forth secrets she hadn't intended."I lived through a miserable, disgusting way of life.Do you think gaining the power to destroy planets is going to change anything?Erase what I went through?My family, my friends--even you--are the only things I care about."_Wait--stop."You may not understand, but I like the heart you call weak.Because it wasn't until I let my guard down that I stopped being afraid."_

The prince's eyebrow twitched, and she pounced on that slight indication."That's right," Koan went on, as if she were tumbling down a slope, unable to stop."That's the limitation--fear.You're afraid, aren't you?Afraid that you'll never be good enough."

Vegeta took a step back, sputtering in rage."You--what the hell are you talking about?" he raged."Afraid?I'm a Saiyan Elite--I'm not afraid of--"

"You say that as if it means something," Koan spat.

"Shut up, you stupid bitch!I don't have to listen to this goddamn--"

"And I don't have to say it."She was amazed, really, that she was continuing.A year ago, she would have never dared to argue with him this way.Her knowledge made her strong--or maybe he had.She couldn't tell, but she held that precious strength close to her, and used it."But it's true--every word, and you know that.When you worked for Freeza, you were afraid."

"Shut up!I'll kill you if you don't--"

"Afraid that he'd get sick of and kill you, ending all you'd worked for.Afraid to die!"

"_Shut up!"_

---

Vegeta felt his hand move.He had only intended to silence her, to stop the agonizing lies from spilling forth.But when the flat of his palm smacked loudly against the side of her skull, he regretted it.He even started in surprise at his own reaction to her words.Koan stumbled, her body tilting, and he waited for her to fall.Somehow, remarkably, she firmly planted her feet and did not drop.She was shaking--probably in great pain--but she didn't retreat or even cry out.With deliberate slowness she carefully righted herself.

_She has surpassed you, too.She's not afraid of you anymore.Koan faced him, her dark eyes calm, silent.And he knew then that he'd lost to her.Despite all her hardships she was still willing to stand up to him, for both their sakes.Her truth burned fresh in his mind--the fear he'd suffered, never resolved, never defeated.Because even after everything, the thought of Freeza still caused some part of him to tremble.He would never get the chance to stand up against that ancient pain.Because he was afraid to die._

"You…you don't understand anything!" Vegeta raged--he had to speak, to escape the silence in her eyes."This is nonsense--insanity!Do you really expect me to believe that to achieve the strongest power of a Saiyan, I have to behave like a human?I'll never do that!"_I can't do that."We're the last ones left--the last of the greatest warrior race--and you'd have me throw that away?Throw away my pride?"_

"That's not what I said," Koan murmured.

"Yes, it is!"He snatched her arm and pulled her closer; she didn't resist, which strangely bothered him."Well, I won't do it, and I won't let you, either."_We are the last."You're a Saiyan, too."__I did feel it, Koan.__More deeply than anything I've ever felt."You said it yourself--you belong to me."_

She didn't struggle, meeting his gaze directly, confident and without hesitation."That's right.But I'm not like you, Vegeta.I can't be the way you are.I like this planet, these people.I like this life."

_Don't you understand that I can't do that?_

The prince flung her back; she stopped her momentum before colliding with the bed, which had been his intention."You goddamned bitch," he snarled."You're a Saiyan--I won't let you deny that. Our pride makes us strong."_I have to believe that."Even under Freeza, that was all we were able to hold on to.I hate this shit-hole planet!I hate Kakarot!And if you're a real Saiyan, you'll hate them, too!"_

"If that what it means to be a Saiyan," Koan retorted angrily, "then I won't be one anymore!"

Vegeta inhaled sharply, startled by her words.And just when he'd readied another curse, she did something he hadn't expected--could have never expected.He only stared, shocked, as she curled her hands around her tail.She pulled it taunt, then yanked sharply.His entire body jolted at the sound of flesh ripping, and her voice rising in a shrill wail of anguish.The action only took a moment, but his brain was slow to register what his eyes had paid witness to.And when it was over Koan was kneeling on the floor, choking on her own gasping breath.Her fingers were still wrapped tightly around the thin black length of her tail.

_She…__she couldn't have.Vegeta looked again, refusing to admit the reality his senses insisted on.But the evidence was clear, lying dead and motionless on the cold tile floor.She had ripped her own tail off.The same tail that had touched him not an hour before.The proof of her ancestry lay silent, like nothing more than a discarded piece of clothing.He could not take his eyes from it.And a feeling of pain rose inside his chest, as if the part of him which had rested inside her had been removed, and the heat shared between their bodies extinguished._

Koan slowly raised her head.There were tears in her eyes and on her face, but her strength had not left her.If anything, it was greater by what she had done."I'm sorry, Vegeta," she whispered.Her fingers uncurled, abandoning the deadened part of her."I…can't be the Saiyan you want me to be.I have to be what I am."

"How…how could you….."Vegeta stared at her, too shocked to respond.He was shaking almost as badly as she."You…."And then, thankfully, his outrage swelled, covering and hiding whatever else he might have been feeling."How could you?You're--you're not a Saiyan at all!You've lost all your power--you've lost everything, you idiot!"

"I haven't lost anything!" she shouted back, her eyes pleading._Don't look at me like that."You don't understand at all.Can't you see we're the same?"_

"Get out!" the prince raged."Get out before I kill you, you treacherous bitch!I won't listen to you anymore!"

"Vegeta, please--"

"_Get out!Don't even look at me--I don't want you!"He felt his spirit rising, inadvertently.And when she reached for him he stepped away.He didn't want to touch her; her body didn't belong to him anymore.She had renounced their race and therefore him, and he didn't want the memory of her flesh.He couldn't surrender to her again; ever."Get out, now!"_

Koan climbed slowly to her feet.She left the tail behind.Her gaze had softened, but he was too lost in wrath to notice the change.She spoke through sorrow."If I go," she told him quietly, "I won't come back."

"Good," Vegeta growled."Now get out--don't ever let me see you again, or I'll make you regret it.Just go!"

The woman didn't speak again; she bid him farewell only with her eyes, with the same look when first they'd met.The same searching, and wondering, as if reaching behind his own gaze for something invisible and precious.He would always remember those dark orbs, and that moment in which they were clear.She was inviting him, one last time, to believe her. To cross the barriers she had passed.To trust in her--perhaps even to love her.She was praying for it, and the words lay like heavy fallen snow upon her lips and in her breath.

But then Vegeta's gaze fell, to the curl of flesh and fur at her feet, and his anger returned anew.She was expecting too much of him.She wanted the impossible; for him to give up everything he'd so believed in, the source of his very strength and life.And so he looked away, and kept silent as she slowly moved toward the door.

_I did feel it, Koan.__And it frightened me._

The door closed with a soft click, punctuating the stillness with a note of finality.It startled him, and he glanced after her, as if expecting it to open once more.She would come back--she always did.He waited for it, even as he heard her soft footsteps echoing down the hallway, away from him.And when they vanish from his senses his breath finally escaped his lungs in a hoarse sigh."Damn you, Koan," he murmured.He looked to the bed they'd shared that evening, and ground his teeth in anger and frustration."Damn you."

Vegeta's left hand lashed out, incinerating the discarded tail in a flash of brilliant, hot light.He hoped to feel satisfaction in watching it burn, leaving not even a trace of ash.But he didn't.He felt only that he had erased some part of himself.

To Next Chapter

Return


	15. Starting Over - Epilogue

**Falling Short**

Epilogue: Starting Over

Bulma cursed as one of the several grocery bags she was carrying began to slip from her grasp.She twisted, and grunted, and stretched her arms as far as they could in order to keep a hold on it._Please, don't let the eggs fall, she prayed, biting her lip as she maneuvered into the kitchen.__I really don't feel like cleaning in this heat._

She half stumbled, half ran the last few feet to the kitchen counter and set down her bags with a relieved sigh._That was close.__But at least I __won't be doing the cooking.She began to unload the many food items, hiding a package of small chocolates behind the vanilla, so that her father wouldn't discover it as he had the last one.__That man is so hopeless, she thought, rolling her eyes.__Between his smoking and drinking and sweet-hoarding, I'll be head of the company in no time._

Bulma was just placing her dozen eggs into the refrigerator door when a sound from the next room distracted her.It sounded like a television news broadcast.Frowning to herself, as both her parents were still out shopping, she investigated.She hadn't expected what she found: Vegeta, dressed casually and sitting on the sofa before the television.He flipped the channels in obvious boredom, finally coming to rest on the same program he'd had on originally.

_He hasn't been here for a few days, Bulma thought to herself, stepping cautiously into the room.__Not since Koan left.__I wonder what he's doing back.__Maybe…__looking for her?She had no idea what had transpired between the two Saiyans that night several days ago, nor what had prompted Koan to disappear and Vegeta to retreat into space once more.She imagined that it had been a fight of some kind, judging by the prince's sour mood when he departed.Her only clues were Koan's last words to her._

_"I'm leaving, Bulma.__Thank you for everything you've done for me, and Cumber.__I'm sure we'll meet again someday."And when the woman had asked where her comrade was going, she'd simply answered, "Only far enough."Whatever that meant._

Bulma crept into the living room, her mind spinning with a dozen possibilities as to what had become of the mysterious Saiyan woman, and how Vegeta was handling the sudden separation.He didn't seem to notice her approach, even when a floor board squeaked beneath the balls of her feet.When she finally was able to see his face, she found it to be set in stone._Typical Vegeta.But there was something odd reflected in his eyes, like the surface of deep water.He wasn't simply watching the television; he seemed to be remembering, or pondering something._

"Vegeta?"She seated herself on the sofa beside him, her legs folded beneath her."I didn't know you were here."

The prince simply "hmmed" in a non-committal response.He didn't even look her way."Mom's going to be making dinner when she gets back.Will you eat with us?I bought some expensive prime rib."

Vegeta nodded.

_He…__looks different.__Almost….Bulma watched him very carefully, as if waiting for him to act.He didn't, letting the silence tick past.She frowned, and edged closer a bit."You've been in space for a long time."_

He shifted."Yes."

"You…you did it, didn't you?"

"Yes."

Bulma sighed quietly through her nose.He didn't say anything more, didn't brag or even explain.He simply stated the fact that shown in his face and manner--the fact that, somehow, didn't please him as much as it should have.He was watching his own face, reflected in the dark colors on the television screen.He seemed to be searching for something.

_He came back, to find Koan, Bulma realized, pursing her lips into a straight line.__But she's gone now.__She's not coming back.She reached out, barely aware of her own actions in doing so.Her fingertips brushed the side of his face.For a moment his eyes shifted their attention to her, confirming with that glance what she'd known all along.__He's lonely, just like me._

Bulma moved closer, uncaring if he protested, and leaned against his shoulder.The Saiyan prince did not recoil or even seem to notice.His skin was warm, and she felt that she needed that now.He needed it, too.She could sense the coldness of space which had invaded upon him, and she wanted to comfort that feeling of isolation, if she could.She might not have understood Vegeta as well as she wanted to--she might not have even trusted her fragile affection for him--but she stayed with him, offering to him what she could.

"You'll stay here for a while, won't you?"

"Yes.For a while."

*End

Return


End file.
